Just cause you're following a well made trail, don't mean whoever made it knew where they were headed...



I read that quote on a Deschutes Bewery newsletter on the table at the Pub. I had a great mini-vacation two weeks ago. JCRG's travel team went to Bend, Oregon to play a "sanctioned" bout. Maudy and I arrived on Friday night after sitting in ridiculous traffic and spending a couple hours winding around Mt. Hood. Saturday the team "floated down the river" - which was really just what we needed. I can't say I've intentionally 'floated a river' in forever. It was great. We made derby jokes and my arms froze off as I tried to paddle at catch up with the rest of the group - the river is fed by moutain water. We kicked serious butt in a derby bout and then I spent the rest of my vacation there drinking beer at Deschutes Brewery, hiking, going to McMinimims Brewery, hiking, then to Three Creeks Brewery. It was an absolutely delicious way to spend a few days.

Bend and the Sisters (mountains) reminded me of "where I spent my summers" in the foothills of the Rockies where my grandparents had a house. Or up at my (great) Aunt Jane's cabins. The air is more crisp in the Rockies but the vibe was very similar - relaxed - western - tumble weeds, horses, mountains and sunshine. I kept thinking I would love ot buy a little house out here - and be a cowgirl in Bend. Of course that would last for like 15 minutes and then I would get bored and want to be back in the city. (Maybe.)

The vacation was just what I needed before I came back to work yesterday after being off a week. I have a gazillion things to do but with a very clean apartment and mostly well rested I feel pretty sure I can tackle the weeks a head... fall fundraising campaign, an event for work, and getting derby going again.

*sigh*


I was in the Seattle Magazine article that came out today... click here.

Too much noise...

This morning, at work, I refused to get online. I quietly working on the fall campaign letters and would only log on after two hours of working - even my work email was turned off. I needed to find a way to get through the noise of so much "Internet". My Facebook, MySpace, Blog, email, email, email, email. It's a lot like eating too much sugar. The next thing you know you want a cookie after lunch, you want a glass of wine after dinner. You're never quite satisfied and just want a little more. And though I usually can manage the mania of email, sometimes you cannot. You check your stuff 13 times a day thinking it might, will be different. And it's not. And you just need a break. You need to shut it off. You need to dim the lights. Turn off the noise.

And we're on a roll...

This weekend my "home" team CarnEvil, who managed to secure last place in the league again this season, went to Sacramento to play Sacred City Roller Girls. I'll be the first to admit I was concerned about this bout. I hadn't seen Sacred play in more than a year but they were a league to be reckoned with and I have to admit I thought we had a killer of bout on our hands. We got there early enough to sign paper work, buy a t-shirt, finds some good seating on the floor and watch some good derby before we played. We watched their "A" team play a WFTDA sanctioned bout against Dallas and Dallas took them apart and beat them by 70 points. At that point I became rather confident that could be our second win this year... And we did win by 50 points.

We started off strong and managed to stay together and play together as a team. There was no one who wasn't doing their job or having an "off night". We managed to stay calm, collected and together. It was rather fantastic, I have to admit - to win. I jammed a lot (as we were short a jammer in our group) and wracked up a bunch of points. But the team wasn't dependent on just one or two jammers - we are finally at a point where we have enough and are truly stronger as a team.

The whole weekend was a great time. We got in late on Friday. Saturday we had breakfast, coffee and early conversation. Some people went to "Old Sacramento" and some of us swam around in th pool, doing cannonballs or sitting in the sun reading magazines. After the bout, we all hung out together at the after party - the Sacramento gals being the greatest of hosts. We scrimmaged on Sunday and drove back in the late afternoon to catch our flight back to Seattle.

Monday wasn't nearly as productive as I had hoped it would be - though after a weekend with very little sleep, what could you expect. Four of us went up to Bombers practice after work where we scrimmaged with Rat City. I wasn't sure I wanted to scrimmage - though it's one of my favorite things about derby - because I was still beat. But it turned out to be a GREAT time and we managed to hold our own for the most part - giving us the boost of confidence we need to go to Bend and take on Lava City Roller Girls.

I think we're on a roll...

Heading to California, looking forward to Bend, taking a break

I head to Sacramento with my team CarnEvil to play Sacred City's B Team. Our travel team played them (and got schooled - bad) and I've seen them play a couple of times. I'm really looking forward to this bout - its going to be fun. We're done with our season. We're going as a team and we're out to win - for us. Not for anyone else. Not for ranking. Not for the season. Just for us. It should be a great time.

Work has been incredibly stressful - for the usual 97 reasons. I have about 3 weeks of vacation to take before the end of the year. One unpaid and two paid - plus a couple of extra days here and there. I'm going to take a few days in Bend, Oregon (because I'm going to be there the following weekend to play another bout as a Bomber) and go to breweries and explore this little city in the middle of Oregon. I'm going to then take a few days at home. I'm going to sew an apron I cut months ago. I'm going to clean up the "office space" that needs about two hours of attention. I might take a crafty class. I'm going to visit my friend's new business and go out for a tasty beverage. I'm going to take stuff to the Good Will. I'm going to go skating in the morning and take cat naps with Fezzy in the afternoon. I'm going to read a book. I can't wait! I can't wait to stay home. For vacation.

Inspiring your dad...

I spent an hour trying to change the spark plugs in a drizzly, poorly lit parking lot behind my apartment. Of course, I should say it like it is - Lara did most of the work - I ran around getting tools, trying to loosen the spark plugs and calling my dad when we couldn't get a single one out. It was ridiculous! My father when over the "Lefty Loosey, Right Tighty" (duh) and then we chatted some more after we gave up. So with a pocket full of inspiration or more like, these things don't rust! It can't be rusted in! (The crunching sound we heard was not the bult pulling away from the rust, but the ceramic spark plug top breaking off. That's how tightly screwed in they were.) It's got to come out!

And eventually they did...though it took an hour. And with a bunch of additional calls to my father with other thoughts and advice (some asshole who changed them last tightened them too tight. There is no reason it should take two people to take out a spark plug. - dads words.) After two handed pulls (and we're talking roller girls here) the spark plugs eventually came loose and were changed. The horrible (rather violent) idling problem seemed to be solved. And my father, after all those calls after midnight, said he was proud of his daughter - because she was changing her own spark plugs. That made me laugh. I'm gald it didn't take too much.

Inspired...

I spent the weekend with a 1,000 roller girls in Las Vegas for the third August in a row. I wasn't really wanting to go when I bought my ticket - I was experiencing derby burn out. I was overwhelmed at my job and wasn't sure that spending 5 days with a bunch of roller girls in blazing hot Las Vegas was the remedy. Turns out it was just the thing.

I took some classes with skaters I've always admired from blockers like Anna Maul, Ginger Snap and Carmen Getsome to jammers who amaze me like Sadistic Sadie and Fortune. I skated with other rollergirls (and guys) in open scrimmages on a polished cement floor which was like "Bambi on ice" (remember in the film). Some people were upset about the floor (it truly was impossible to skate on) but it made me laugh and it was a great equalizer. We ALL sucked. We all struggled and it made most of us, dress in black or white shirts for scrimmaging, laugh - a lot. (It also gave an an excuse for just about anything we didn't do correctly - you just blame it on the floor.)

I saw a lot of the Freemont Street bouts which were outside and usually very fun themed - Star Trek v. Star Wars, Amazons (tall skaters) v. Shorties (obvious), Ref v. Skaters. They are held in Old Vegas which has it's own charm and is far away from the Disney-esk modern casino of the Las Vegas Strip. I managed to eat extremely well as there was a Whole Foods near the facility where most of the classes were held (we weren't outside in the parking garage). Even early morning plyos were indoors.

There was the usual "roller girls taking over the Imperial Palace Casino" at 3 a.m. Patrons would walk in and you could see their jaws drop at the spectacle. I learned from a bartender at the Margaritaville that the locals, who knew about it, LOVED it when the roller girls came to town. They knew how to party - they were generally very nice (a lot of us work in the service industry) and are very fun. I did spend Friday night out but I didn't roll in past 3 a.m. any time... and that was ok.

When Bess and I went to drop of the car rental, I thought of just taking off on Highway 15 and heading into the Spring Mountains surrounding the city or even heading east to Utah to go to Bryce Canyon. I was feeling inspired...

* even Vegas can be inspiring - they have a Farmers Market!

Unexpected Fun...

I wasn't sure I wanted to be back at RollerCon but I'm having a great time so far! My flight was just great. I picked up my brand-spanking new rental (baby blue Accent, with no power anything)l and then sat in traffic (you can't escape it!) - and then stood in line after dropping off my luggage - to register for my classes, insurance, etc. Bess and I headed off to the store to buy food snacks (we both love yogurt and granola for breakfast and IPAs - woot!) Then back to the hotel, over to a class and then to Fremont Street scrimmages - which are held in the older part of Las Vegas and are generally amusing. Back to the hotel, cleaned up for a banquet and then headed to Black & White scrimmaging - on polished cement. It was hilarious - and crazy. Polished cement is so slippery to skate on - it's the great equalizer. We were all bad at derby all of the sudden and it took many jams to get use to the floor (if you ever did.) The crazy fast, running everywhere in the first day - it's felt intimate and not so overwhelming. I'm glad to be here - at RollerCon - in this hot, crazy, totally unsustainable, fake city that everyone loves. It's fascinating.

Heading to Vegas...and now for something completely different.

I'm heading to Vegas for my 3rd RollerCon. I'm not quite sure what got into me or why I'm doing it but I'm sure I'll have a great time. (I decided to go on a complete impulse.) It's going to be HOT. And I hope in all this head, I clear my head, learn a thing or two more about derby and have a great time.

Tonight at a major donor event, I had "oysters in a half shell". Really. For the first time ever in my life - and they were delicious. It was honestly like eating the ocean (and not the gross part with syringes, plastic bags and beer cans.) What a fun experience.

The underlying tone....

This week has been a busy and rather overwhelming week at work. Part of it is because it's work and it's hard environment to be raising money but another part is that a co-worker's music partner (they are singer song writers together) was stabbed this weekend. Someone broke into her house over the weekend and stabbed her and her partner. The partner died. It tragic, horrible and random. The community is dumbfounded, outraged and scared. More than one person I've talked to thinks it's a hate crime (they were lesbians after all) and the murder did nothing - he didn't rob them, rape them - but stab and murder them. How random? Who knows. It's been tragic to see a coworker at such a loss. It's been a reminder about our work and just how much violence women experience.

Kill Your Mother!

Is what one of the blockers from the Seattle Derby Brats was shouting to the jammer on the line this past Saturday. Yes. Lily Lightening was up against her mother. And yes, a common saying in derby is "Kill the jammer." And when the jammer is someone's mother it made sense to shout, "kill your mother!" It was so funny and so wrong at the same time.

They have become quite a force to be reckoned with - the Seattle Derby Brats. Skaters between 12-17 (ish) who play, now, full contact derby. They're a wile group of gals with agility and the ability to jump a skater's leg in a single bound. They're totally serious and when you knock one down, your first instinct is to make sure she gets up and then you look at the row of parents staring at you and you're hoping none of them are shooting lazer beams at you from their eyes. And they aren't. They want their girls to be the best they can.

You just don't want to smoosh them.

* my friend Arson sent me this picture today (from our 7/11 bout) with the caption "I am reaching for a hug. Look how cold you are!" which cracked me up. (For those who don't know, what she is about to do is so illegal. He he he.)

A Win! (finally)

Carnies pulled off a win last night against the Hellbound Homewreckers of the Dockyard Derby Dames. Last year we lost by one point against the Marauding Mollys (of the DYDD) and I wasn't sure what the Homewreckers would bring to the table. It turns out that they brought a good bout but we weren't having any of it. We absolutely wanted to win this bout. The tension on the team the last two weeks had come to a head and we absolutely had to win. It was 30 minute mini bout - surely we could pull this off - surely the "fun team" could actually win a bout.

And we did! It was a great game and we worked hard with the 10 people we had on the floor. Everyone played hard and everyone put their hearts into it. It was great to win. And it didn't feel the same way it felt to win against one of our own league team but its a start and maybe we're turning a page and will go from the "fun loving team" to the "fun loving winning team."

The rest of the weekend was fun summer times. We went to Georgetown Brewery (turns out you can't eat there) to drop off banners as they're league sponsors next year - they're the makers of Manny's - the most delicious and ubiquitous microbrewery in the area - had happy hour snacks at Smarty Pants. The bout took up most of Saturday (as they usually do) and today was visits to the Ballard Farmer's Market, grocery shopping, cleaning up the apartment, late lunch and rolling off to practice.

I am so loving the summertime! I just wish Mondays didn't come...

*lovely 1951 Chevy in the Ballard Market parking lot...

One of those weeks...

I don't know how many times one can have "one of those weeks" in life - but I've had one too many. We did finally get the server up at work and the challenges of trying to get everything done that you had set out to do weeks before (had even been motivated to do) fell by the wayside as you tried to get caught up and remember why you needed those reports so badly - whose phone numbers you needed, what needed to happen. Eventually a week was cobbled together - intermixed with some derby and derby drama - it was a long long week. And a hot one!

This is probably the best summer I've had since I've been here (summer #4). The first summer I was here (having arrived on Thanksgiving in 2005) was absolutely gorgeous! It was sunny and warm - there were mountains to be hiked, there were films to be watched, there was derby to discovery, there was open windows and warm nights, there were tons of visitors from the mid-west and new friends to be made. It was absolutely wonderinful and I was sold on this place called "Seattle" and the "Pacific Northwest." The next two summers, along with the next three winters made me wonder if I had bought in too early as it was only sunny on Wednesday and sometimes it never broke 80. This summer is making up for lost timing! I could hardly believe when it was raining this week that I was actually grateful!

It's been a beatiful summer - and one of the busiest ones!

*super cute dress at a designer's shop just next door to Smarty Pants in Georgetown.

One of those weeks...

That you don't want to write about as you find yourself completely frustrated by the lack of a server at work (for the second week straight) yet still managed to find enough for you and a bunch of other people to do so that they could get paid (stressful.) You start each day working from home but then end up going in or going in thinking you're not going to do much (because it takes 3 x as long ) but end up staying a whole day anyway. You find yourself emailing board members at midnight and give a crappy presentation when you're cut short and have to run off to yet another meeting. You end up running into the office because you won a big case and it's means great things for people in Washington and the phones are dead that day - you manage to boss around a bunch of people and get the word out but you don't see any credit in the press - from anyone to anyone. Bew.

But at least I have a job to complain about.

*Fezzy ate my felted ladybug this week - one of the partial days I was working from home. Bad Fezzy.

My most relaxing weekend...

... with just a little bit of work and Fezzy tried to help.

9 to 5

The Brand Flakes have this great mash up song including Dolly Parton's "9 to 5". I also have the regular Parton song on my ipod. Stumbling across it a lot lately, I decided to rent the film to see what it was about - it came out when I was a kid (1980) and I really didn't remember it. Of course, Blockbuster didn't have it and I had to open an account at the local "Rain City" video - because they had it and many other great films (left with 3 of them).

It was pretty funny - the fashion - particularly. What was a little disturbing was that there are still some many of these things we're still working on - like equal pay (thanks Lilly Ledbetter). Don't get me wrong - a lot has changed. I wouldn't want to be a woman working at a different point in history - but some of the crap going on in the film still goes on. There's still a lot of work to do... in the workplace.

However, today is a day for fireworks, BBQs and other fun things. Social justice doesn't take a break on July 4th - it just gets moved to the back burner.

(Today - got a new HP laptop and now I have no excuse for not writing in my blog.)

blurry...

Heading into another short week - I went to work Monday exhausted from a long weekend that included a team garage sale, hosting a birthday BBQ for Louise at Golden Gardens, and the Pride Parade on Sunday.  It was a wonderful weekend that wore me down to the bone.  And then I went into work ready to pound out 4 days of serious work when the server went down.  I cleaned my desk, read a couple of articles and then we all went home while the consultant worked on it.  Turns out the server was DEAD - completely and utterly dead.  The "mother board" called it quits. There was nothing to be done but to order another server - of course the week of a national holiday.  (Once again, one of my lazy habits of saving files to the desktop, saved me some time as I could salvage some work as we were going to be down for more than a week.)

I saved these random files to my portable hard drive, made a plan with my coworker who said "I wonder what it looks like for you to walk into my office over IM?", made some plans with my boss to do as much as possible and headed home.  Of course, the Mac at home didn't talk to the portable hard drive - so I couldn't do anything from home.  Today, I headed back to work - with my Clearwire and printer in hand to create a pseudo office.  But I couldn't get the printer to work.  It was a long day - where everything took twice as long to do everything.  Janet swung by and we decided to go have lunch at McCormick & Schmidt's on South Lake Union.  The food was OK but the sunshine and company is what made my day.

It's blurry - trying to work from home - with limited technology.  I am going to take off in the morning to go on a hike with Weedy.  I'm going to sit and work on a mailing tonight.   And finish up some spreadsheets over the weekend.  Working from home.  It gets blurry.

Cherries, Bees and Hives...

I went down to Pikes Place Market today to grab some flowers for a teammate recovering from surgery and ran across some cherries.  Lots of cherries.  Washington is just as well known for cherries as it is for apples and serial killers.   I'm not terribly fond of cherries.  When I was a kid I would break out in hives whenever I ate anything cherry - or used cherry shampoo, etc.  I believe it honestly was the artificial red no. 5 or whatever the dye's number was that was banned in the 1980s.  But the damage was done and I stayed away from cherry - in general.  (I do have very few memories of my material grandmother - but one of them was her sitting at the table pitting cherries to make cherry pie.)  And at the Market today - there were tons of them.  I couldn't refuse and bought a small basket of them and a Monster cookie and headed back to work to eat my salad and tackle the rest of the day.  

My body, wanting to dump stress hormones in to my now-missing omentum, broke out into hives earlier this week - they  spread across my belly over where my omentum would be - which I thought it was funny, as I sat there eating my cherries.  (I like cherries alright.  I like blueberries, strawberries, raspberries, apricots, peaches, pineapple and mangoes better but they're not bad.)

Tonight, after gathering some more "stuff" from a co-worker to take to my team's garage sale this weekend, I zipped back to Ballard to join my friend Glitter (Danni) for a crafting class at Venue - a local store that has studios you can rent and sell all local artists' works.  We had signed up to learn how to "needle felt".  I had never heard of it but I loved the little felted animal and characters in the shop - and we couldn't pass up the opportunity to learn how to create these super cute creatures - like BEES!  The instructor was from across the Sound and explained our class very well.  She was really well known for these felt creatures and I LOVED IT.  It was fun and funny and very easy, in my opinion, to learn (though it will take a while to get good at.) I made a bee that looked like a little sushi roll and a ladybug that actually looked like it was suppose to.  I bought the artist's book and a kit to make bluebirds. at the end of the class.  Danni and I parted ways and I headed home -  completely relax, thrilled to have spent some fun times with Glitter and having learned a new craft that I think I'm going to really enjoy.  And I look forward to  a different application "hives" -  one for little felt-y bees.

How quickly it leaves us...

This past weekend I went camping at Kalalock with some friends.  It's one of my favorite camping spots - with tide pools filled with reluctant creatures, camps sites that have gnarled branches and trees resembling something from "middle earth" and like growth marks on a child's door jam, the sun sets on those trees.  It's laying on the glacier flattened stones that are heated from the sun but you still need a sweatshirt because of the constant winds pushing the waves on the sometimes sandy shore littered with bleached, smooth trees, who spent a long time the ocean.   

It's so incredibly relaxing.  And when I camp, I eat like a queen, cooking fish, corn-on-the-cob, squash, baby red potatoes and even shrimp.  My friend gave me an espresso maker for camping and Americanos are the rule in the morning along with Mexican breakfast burritos (both veggie and with sausage.) We manage to avoid talking about work or derby and instead share funny stories, talk about our past, share some hopes and dreams.  And by the time you've been there for one evening, everything is put into perspective.  You feel rather humbled (hanging out by the Pacific Ocean all day will do that to you.)  You're thrilled to have spent so much time in nature and to be cooking "slow food" with friends and drinking wine.  It's really rather perfect.

And then is starts to slip away.  Even if you ignore the cellphone (though you start to get a signal), the harried traffic (while you have to pee), makes you slightly crazy.  You get home finally - only to have to run another errand.  You're exhausted; you smell like campfire (which was fine when you were in the woods); you have to go to work.  And it's Monday.  And there's a budget committee meeting which sets you into a quiet panic.  You are going to have so much more work to do and you're going to take another pay cut and you don't know what else there is.  You have practice, which was great fun, but then there are decisions to be made and arguments to squelch.  

It starts to slip away.  That peace that you felt - like the high tide rolling out ... and it's only Monday.

*sigh*

Gone fishin...

... for reluctant creatures on the Washington coast.  I am so looking forward to getting "off the grid", putting things in to perspective and watching the oldest movie of all time - High Tide Coming in at Night, starring The Earth, The Moon and The Ocean.  Even if Scattered Showers decides to make a guest appearance in an otherwise perfect summer.

*sigh*

States of Confusion...

This past weekend I got the "snot beat out of me" in our bout against the Camaro Harem.  I enjoy playing that team generally as my "derby wife" - Weedy - is on it.  But this weekend there was a trifecta of blockers (Tixxie, Retro & Betty) who cleaned my clock after and thoroughly as I tried to work my way thru the pack to score some points.  My head go knocked around (not on the ground but knocked around just the same) which always scares me into wondering if this is my last game or my last season.   I was frustrated by the half time and happy to be done with it by the end.   My team has some really smart moments and I was particularly proud of us on many levels. I walked away learning a thing or two (like ask your teammates for help) and managed to spend very little time the penalty box.

Sunday there were rumors confirmed of stomach flu spreading like wildfire around the team. I escaped the wrath of it all day - going to a Pride Parade meeting for work, running some errands, getting a costume for our "Keep on Truckin'" themed skate-a-thon.  I threw up my late lunch as I headed to the event was convinced I had sustained a more serious head injury - as opposed to the rational thought that I might actually have the flu.  I stayed for an hour, left in tears (of course in the car) but had chills and fever by the time I got home.  I couldn't tell if I was feeling miserable because of the flu or because of the beating I took at the bout.  The misery stayed with me thru much of Monday though I had been able to keep down meals and most water. Tuesday was just a day of rest - trying to get back to 100% - and I started Wednesday at 92% but left the day at about 64%.  I came home, skipping practice, and tried to take a nap - but the kitties wanted attention too.  I managed somehow slip in an hour.

The last week had been a week of revelations for me.  I so often in life find myself crabby, "bored", feeling restless and I can't put my finger on it - then I do.  And it frustrates me to no end that it's always the same thing - I just need to be creative.  I've given up A LOT of my creative projects at work (so that other people can get the experience and I can manage it.)  This is great for my team but completely frustrating for me.  Because so much of my life is derby and work, I find myself spending so much time doing both and not enough time sewing, writing, reading, painting, crafting, whatever.  And it wears on me.  I become restless.  I get annoyed.  And I sit there and contemplate "what is it that I need to be happy?!" over and over until I realize it - again.  I just need to set up a timer on my Outlook Calendar at work to ask "When was the last time YOU CREATED something new Michelle?"  It really is such a huge part of me.  Why do I forget to feed it?

A part of my lack of creativity comes with the demise of my laptop.  It started crashing at the beginning of the year and went completely dead by March.  I've been using Lara's Mac - which is wonderful and I appreciate it - but it's not the same.  I'm use to a PC - a laptop - that I can put on my lap, on the futon, and write in my blog.  Do work. Do derby work.  The Mac is a different computer with different thingies that become roadblocks - or excuses.  The solution is to buy a new laptop... even if there is something else that needs your money - like your car, your trip home to see your nieces, your 401 K, new skates, etc.  I just need to do it.  Get a new one. And quit make excuses.  Stop the confusion.

*one of my favorite pictures from this past weekend - sneaking by Weedy and Trixxie.. and running like hell - with my tongue out.  he he he.

Summer time,...

The last few weeks have been  incredibly sunny and dry - I find myself taking cat naps after work - not because I'm exhausted and it's dark and miserable but because I want to lounge like Fezzi on the futon in the sunlight.  I try to catch a hike after work and don't mind taking the bus when the sun is out first thing in the morning.  Even Monkey is happy about the sunshine - waking me up at 5:30 a.m. with the Monkey Alarm "meow, meow, meow."  I've actually been able to wear my summer dresses.  All my favorite fruits are starting to show up at the grocery store.  You find yourself wanting to have a beer on a patio at sunset.

The interesting thing is that it's been cold and wet for so long that I almost don't trust it.  I'm trying to believe that summer is actually here.  And that it's planning on staying a while...

New shoes... new skates.

Good times all around.

Beside myself mourning for a courageous feminist...

My morning was ruined when Lara read on our way to work that Dr. George Tiller had been murdered while attending his church on Sunday morning.  The fatigue from the weekend compounded the incredible sense of loss.

 

He was an INCREDIBLY amazing, generous, courageous man.  He had been shot twice before.  His clinic had been bombed.  He is one of only three doctors in the nation willing to perform late term abortions.  Late term abortions.  (Something like 0.3% of all abortions of all late term abortions are late term.  Majority of the fetuses were not viable.)  Most of the women were in bad situations.

When I worked at Planned Parenthood of Greater Cleveland, we sent people to Kansas when they needed Dr. Tiller.  And "needed" was an understatement.

 

He knew what he had gotten himself into.  He knew what he was up again.  He knew his number would come due one day and he would most likely go out violently but he still did his work.  He still advocated on behalf of women and our rights.  He was a feminist in the middle of the stickiest battles.

 

His father performed abortions when it was illegal.

 

He was the end of the line for so many people. He was their last chance.  He was their only hope.  And now he's gone.

 

And I don't know who or how that giant, gaping hole is going to be filled.

The cutest nieces in the world....

I spend the last week in Cinci (mostly) and almost-not-quite two days in Cleveland. The objective was to hang out with the cutest nieces in the world. We drew an ocean on the driveway, putting everyone in their own boats, drawing fish, sharks, dolphins to protect us from the sharks, seaweed, suns, sand, our names. We played at the park. We played with the garden hose turning it into a sprinkler and getting Uncle Mike wet. At McKenna's party we played Duck, Duck, Goose with a 10 other friends in the front yard. We rubbed the chalk down into dust and smacked our hand in it and left hand prints all over the ground and got away with it because I was the aunt watching over them. We read short stories before naps and long stories before dinner. We asked a gazillion 4 year old questions and I came up with a gazillion answers to those questions. We shopped at Target and left with two grocery carts full of balls for the party that the employees talked about for days (I found out when I went back to get cold medicine.) We went to swim lessons. We went to a picnic with their school. We played hopscotch. Margie, Jon and I drank wine and played cards. I caught a cold. I read a book. I helped my bother with a mailing for work. I helped Margie get the food ready for the party. I hung out with my younger brother, his girlfriend and my parents and talked about my hilarious grandfather. I played rummi with the 'rents and drank the local microbrew. I got a sunburn. My tattoos did not. I hung out with Kathy and her kids for a bit. We went to Target too. I bought a few more books to read. I was inspired to write. My flight couldn't land in Chicago. We refueled in Grand Rapids and I missed my connecting flight. I got on the next plane out. I was happy to be back in Seattle.

Not taking my skates...

I am an uber efficient packer.  I will pull out all of the things I need the night before, cut them in half and then trim them again the next day.  Living aboard has taught me that you already know what you need when you travel.  You don't need that one sparkly fun shirt you got in Mexico because you still have only worn it once here.  You don't need that fun summer dress unless you are actually committed to going to a wedding or special event (really, they rarely "arise".)  You don't need to try that new toothpaste now and you don't an extra pair of fun shoes.  You don't need more than two books (one for the flight there and one for the flight back) and you don't need your skates - unless you are going specifically to skate.  And you have plans to skate.  With other roller girls.  On teams.

Like many roller girls I have schlepped my skates with me to countless places - mostly home.  Where my nieces like to try to put them on.  Or wear my helmet around the house.  I say "I will skate in the park by my brother's house" and the one time you do doesn't justify bringing out your skates.  And I have plans to take the girls skating.  I have plans to spend time on the trail by my brother's house.  But seriously.  I don't need my skates.  I don't need the extra conversations on the plane (they'll eventually find out you're a rollergirl); I don't need my helmet banging people in the head as I walk down the isle to my seat.  I don't need the shoulder ache.  I don't need to worry.  And I'm not going to RollerCon (conference just  about skating) or to another city to play.  Really.  I can get my exercise from walking on the trail by my brother's house or chasing my nieces around the yard.

I just don't need the skates.

Obsessive, Compulsive, Inspiration being held at bay...

I am obsessive/compulsive when it comes to cleaning-my-apartment-before-leaving-town.  I have always been this way - and I'm not sure why.  I use to start big projects like sorting thru all of my clothes, going thru the box of "needs to be filed before the next century", or detailed fridge cleaning before I left.  These projects would last well into the night and absolutely had to be done before I left.  But now, without the aid of medication or meditation,  I've got it down to vacuuming, doing laundry, changing bed sheets and putting things away.  

Even if someone else is living with me - I have to clean.  Even if I'm just going out of town for the weekend - I have to vacuum and get things put away.   And it's not because I'm afraid of what my apartment will look like for that person whose coming to check on my cats.  It's not because I'm a fatalist (which I'm not) and think this could be my last trip and someone might have to put my affairs in order.  I think it's because 9 out of 10 times I come back from my vacations or travels late at night, exhausted and the last thing I want to do is find something to wear to work, sort thru a pile of mail that's now two weeks old, clean the rotting food out of the fridge.  I'm truly obsessed.  It's a funny habit.  But at least I am aware... My name is Michelle.  I'm an obsessive compulsive pre-travel cleaner. Give me that sponge and get out of my way.

That being the case and tonight being my only free night before I travel (after a long derby weekend), I skipped out on the HIV Vaccine Awareness Day event at Chop Seuy.  No.  There is still no vaccine for HIV.  But we need to keep working on it.  We need to stay aware.  We need to celebrate where we've come and where we have yet to go.  And I was excited to go to a drag queen fashion show, had a t-shirt specific to the event to wear and hoped to dance the Monday night away.  But the need to clean, (I am aware of my problem) and the even stronger deterrent of freezing cold rain has kept my inspiration at bay.  I didn't even go swimming.  Damn it - the rain - after such a glorious weekend.  It will totally kill your motivation to do just about anything - except clean.

Goggles

When I got out of the pool tonight (down one type of stroke, back another, down one type, back another, bubbles, breath, kick, arms) I noticed a pair of goggles on the bench.  I noticed another pair in the soap dish and one hanging on a towel hook.  It looked like the after math of a goggle party - all strung out in the shower room - precariously.

Tonight was a good night to swim after a weekend of eating out, drinking beers, watching derby, talking to derby skaters, bouting with a team of skaters you'd never met before, driving around Oregon (Portland to Eugene and back to Seattle), sitting in the sun, sitting on the floor, sharing your secret to eating gummy worms late at night with your best of derby friends, accidentally punching your sleep mate because you dreamt there was a lion in your apartment and the police wanted to keep her there until they arrived, seeing your Cleveland friend at the Portland bout, having sushi with your Cleveland friend when you go back to Seattle on Sunday, wishing our mothers happy mother's day in rotation on Sunday on the way home.  

It was a great weekend.  And a good evening for a swim.

2 Months to the day...

"Hi Michelle - it's Kristen!  How are you?"

"I'm great!  How are you!  I heard you broke your ankle (like in December)."

"I hear you had some random surgery... how are you?"

And so started my 15 minute catch up conversation with someone I consider a good friend and colleague but whom I rarely seem to talk to.  And it was easy to get caught up - she was inviting me to an event I couldn't afford - I was trying to plan a lunch together that wasn't going to be $125 (price of the ticket to the event.)   And we talked about our respective injuries and surgeries.   I realized it was two months to the day that had my surgery - the first Thursday of March.  It was the first Thursday of May.

And for some reason it all snapped into place tonight when I was swimming - which was tough. Maybe it's just taken a while to recover.  It's not like you have surgery and you bounce back and even when you do bounce back it doesn't mean you're better.  It doesn't mean you have the same drive and stamina and maybe, just maybe, though you feel great, you might still be recovering.  You might need to cut yourself some slack and just let it be.

Or you just might need a damn vacation.

Relaxing weekend...

I took Friday off to go to the new penguin exhibit at the Woodland Park Zoo. Of course it was an utter madhouse with a gazillion parents and children there also wanting to visit the penguins. Lara and I went and say the giraffes, lions, wild dogs and other animals first while waiting for the lines to thin out around the penguins. There are some pretty spectacular things that happen at the zoo during the day - like feeding the giraffes. That was a lot of fun. (I learned that their tongues are black as not to get sunburned because they're always sticking them out eating things.) We headed back to the penguins - they were pretty funny. They all seemed so excited to see all the people - they would swim to the edge of the glass and look at all the people, swim away and then come back.


Friday night was the Carnie Dance Dance Party. My team is known for their enormous desire to cut a rug at any given opportunity - even while on the track before the jam is about to begin - and we had a great time! There was a big problem with the speakers in the beginning (or lack there of) and we were in competition with a birthday party that was suppose to bring more than 75 people (more like 10). Minus an incident here and there, we had a blast. Gorditos (where we held the event) wants us to do it again. My team would love to do it again.

Saturday was suppose to be a continuation of Carnie fun times but the rain set in and kickball was canceled. I took it as a sign to clean my apartment and eat sushi! Delicious. I also went to hear my friend's very loud band. Sunday found me at the Ballard Farmer's Market where I was Jones-ing for my P-Patch - wishing I was growing my own lettuce as opposed to buying someone else's. I went to Hydrofit with Glitter and Ruthie and headed off to Anya's bridal shower - which was a lot of fun too. Hammer, Rebel Belle and I won for best t-p wedding dress. It was the first time I had honestly made one of these - in all my wedding attending, I had somehow missed this game though I had heard of it and even recommended it.

Last night I finally "got back on the grid" and checked my email - signaling the end of this fantastic weekend.

Flu...

My friend sent me an email today with this picture and the subject on it read "How you really get the swine flu" which of course made me laugh. I'm totally taking this seriously but I have to admit it's a very confusing thing - why the level 5 of 6 in regards to "pandemic" ratings. It also makes me sad on others levels. 10,000 people had died of AIDS and still President Regan wouldn't even say the word. I don't remember when it reached the title of "epidemic" but I do know that some people (scientists and others) were definitely paying attention to it long before the public was. I'm sure more that 110 people (number in US who have Swine Flu) had died of HIV/AIDS before it got mentioned anywhere besides a CDC report.

It's not fair to compare them, I know. One is a horrible disease at caused agonizing deaths and we had no idea how it was spread or could pin point what you really died of. The other is the flu. We now know how you get AIDS. Someone sneezing can get you the flu (but not AIDS). And our media's LOVE of fear and panic is just exhausting. Really.

So in honor of epidemics, I'm going out to dinner with my friends to night - we're going to Dine Out for Life and support Lifelong AIDS Alliance. Because there is still an epidemic going on - even if it has been downgraded to a "chronic illness" in the US.

The real flu...

One summer in middle school,  when my grandfather was still alive, I was downstairs in the basement of his home, snooping around, when I ran across a photo of a woman who was rather young, quit pretty standing sternly with a slight smile on her face on a mountain side, a rocky grade of boulders.  On the back of the brown press board photo was the name "Odia".  I asked my grandfather "Who is this Odia?"  She was his sister.  She was the oldest of his siblings - Odie, Oscar, (America) Jane and Owen.   My great Aunt "Odie" died in the 1918 Great Influenza Epidemic (or Pandemic).  She was 17 or 18 years old.  And I learned, in middle school, what a great epidemic this was.  Half a million people died in the US alone.  Millions of people died world wide.  My great uncle Oscar would later kill himself in the early 1960's leaving my grandfather Owen Dorr and my great Aunt (America) Jane (Dorr) Simeth as the remaining family - and really the only Dorrs I would know.  I have no idea what it would be like to lose a family member to an epidemic.  AIDS isn't even close to being able to compare - so I won't even try.

And I listen to these stories of the pig flu - and yes it's important to be concerned and pay attention.  But wow - I can't even imagine being a part of a massive influenza outbreak.  And being remembered as beautiful woman on a press board...

A quiet walk in the hood...

I tried to go on a walk with one of my teammates tonight but our schedules didn't cooperate so I took off on my own - too late to meet up with those already at Greenlake.  I walked down 65th Street towards the Puget Sound.  I know there is a quick way to get down to Golden Gardens from the time a couple of years ago when Pygmy, Listie and I accidentally walked from Carcreek Park to Golden Gardens (during low tide).  We walked up the stairs to the top of the hill and back to her house.  But I wasn't exactly sure which street that was so I kept walking... It was a lovely evening - in the high 60's and the air was filled with the scent of every possible thing in bloom.   Eventually 65th dead ended into 32 and the hill sloped down towards the water and it was a beautiful evening with the Olympics just beyond Puget Sound.  The older houses I walked by were lovely - and why not - they had one of the best views in the city - with windows facing west to capture as much light as possible.  

I passed by the Nordic Heritage Museum - which I knew about but didn't know where it was located.  It looked like it might have been a school at some point in Old Ballard (and reading their website you find it was just that -  red brick school building that was originally Daniel Webster Elementary School. Located in Ballard, the heart of Seattle’s Scandinavian community, Webster School educated generations of Scandinavian and other immigrant children who came to this region, including many of our own volunteers.)   My family is half Norwegian - my father is Norwegian (mother right off the boat) but I can't say I felt much affinity for Norway.  It was mostly something my grandfather would make jokes about. Though it might be fun to visit.  

It was a nice evening to stroll in my neighborhood - I need to spend more time it.

A derby wedding, a nail biting bout, a dance dance party...

Recently, I was starting to think that things were getting a little boring in my life.  When people ask me what's up? It's the same things - work, derby, work, derby - outings with friends, a swim class here or there, committee meetings, derby, work, derby.   This weekend was a great example of how that derby, derby, derby makes it so much fun.

Saturday was open scrimmage and there were just not enough skaters that we all ended up playing a ton.  I got to scrimmage with my derby wife - we're a great combo - and some other skaters who I don't skate with much.  After scrimmaging, we headed to the Rat City Rollergirl bout.  It was a going to be good match up.  We were confident that the last place team (Grave Danger) who had recently spanked my team, could pull off a win.  And what a game!  It was a total nail biter.  GD got off to an early lead and held it into half time.  They started to slip in points but never too far behind.  The crowd was on their feet for the last 5 minutes and Carmen Getsome tried to bridge the 15 point game with an incredible jam but only managed to score 14.  They lost by one point.  It was heart breaking but exhilarating and inspiring.

Afterwards we (a group of about 8 Carnies) all headed over to the Fun House where the after party was happening and this time they picked the right DJ - it was all 80's all night and roller girls love to dance to 80's music.  There were many recounts of the great games played earlier in the evening - lots of love - I was the driver limited to 2 beers but so much fun.   just about closed the bar down - again.  And as another skater told me as we are leaving, "Carnies are FUN!"  You bet they are.

Sunday I skated with Mona and Lara at Myrtle Edwards, working off some of the alcohol from the night before.  Lara and I headed off to Betty Ford Galaxy's wedding.  Yes, she use to be an alcoholic.  Yes, she's sober.  And derby was a big part of all that.  She also started Seattle Derby Brats - one of the first junior derby leagues in the nation.  So it made sense that derby would play a huge role in her big day.  

The Derby Brats and Tootsie Rollers came skating down two different aisles with pink tutus on to the song "Brand New Key".  The groomsmen strolled down the aisle in powder blue suits, giant afro wigs, and sunglasses to the song "Shaft".  The bridesmaids on their arms wore sunglasses and black and white dresses like they were glam-stars and had no idea of why they were there.  Betty enter wearing a giant pink dress, with enough tulle to make a couple of tutus on the traditional "Wedding March" (Here Comes the Bride).  It was pretty unique and pretty fabulous.  There was cake, punch, and plenty of toasts afterwards.  It was a gorgeous day.  A great weekend.  And not a bit boring.

So Disappointing...

Tonight 6 of my teammates went to Hydro Fit to work our butts off and laugh our heads off - when we saw that our class was not going to be lead by Chandelle (who had been asking me to bring out my team).  The disappointment was palatable.  We looked at each other in disbelief.  And though we tried to follow the new instructor (who was new to the pool and clearly to teaching this class), we couldn't.  We were all so disappointed.  At the end of the class, I asked the instructor if Chandelle had switch pools, teaching at a different venue or was subbing somewhere else.  She said, "No.  She's not here... she was fired."  We went into the hot tub and plotted ways to find her.  After getting showered and heading out, Wibe went over to the lifeguard (not the instructor) and started some small talk.  By the end of the conversation, Wibe had a scoop that she wasn't let go on the best of terms and that the place was boring without her.  She also gave Wibe contact information to get a hold of her.  Woot!  We'll find her at another gym - at a Y - or somewhere and join her class there!

We can't wait to laugh and drown at the same time!

Another bout sittin' out...

We have this policy in our league that you have to be back on the floor, practicing our full contact sport ONE month prior to skating in that bout, no matter what the source of the injury was - from a broken ankle due to a fall in derby to a problematic omentum - you have to be bouting full contact for a month.  I was given clearance on April 1st - which was only two weeks ago.  And though my injury is healed and I feel GREAT (a little less on the endurance side) I couldn't bout.  But it didn't kill me either.  It was a total bummer not to be able to bout Grave Danger (my friend Sara Problem's team) I was glad to help out by calling the lineups.  

Of course I learned a lot by calling lineups - my second time in a row.  As a captain, I use to spend hours agonizing over them.  What I've learned in these last two bouts is that they a

ll go to hell after about the 6th jam  because people are in the penalty box.  Really don't stress about them.  Figure out how to get a good lineup in and make sure you're having fun.  That's how my team does well.  We play 10x better when the premise is to go out and have a good time.  It should be our strategy from here on out.

Sunday, post bout, Easter, cold, rainy, bleh, I spent curled up on the coach with my coffee watching a documentary about a woman who had survived the Holocaust and was having a real hard time with her grandchildren marrying outside her faith.  It was a tough film and touching but didn't put me in the best of moods.  I went to hydro fit to clear my mind - but had a new instructor and though I liked her work out - it was a little repetitive (read: boring.)  Dinner at Heidi's was a chilled out good time with kids.  After dinner, Lara had rented Twin Peaks from the library - which I use to watch in the kitchen at the Chinese restaurant (I worked at in high school) on Sunday nights while trying to clean up and close down for the night.  I totally remember certain parts of it and others are just baffling.  It's fun to watch because it's suppose to take place in Washington (filmed just outside of Seattle actually).  What a funny show - so dramatic  - it cracks me up now.  The 90's were good at that.

* photos of peeps.  I love peeps.  I use to use them in dioramas and such since college days... also in the 90's...

Playing Hooky...

I was having a hard time today  getting back on the "wagon" - work wagon that is.  (Never mind the fact that I was tired from two practices in a row, late night meeting and getting up in the middle of the night not feeling well.) After three months of intensive deadlines, writing new web content, pushing the envelope, working on budgets, burning brains cells on branding and bullying people in to getting me what I needed - I'm having a hard time getting to energy up to "get back to work".  I have plenty of work to do.  Plenty of deadlines - tons of actual fundraising and more branding to do actually.  But with the sun shining, windows open, the sounds of skate boarders coming down Pine St., I'm distracted.  And I'm not the only one.  You can totally tell that it's the first few days of spring because people are taking longer lunches, leaving early or are generally in a great mood.  The first days of 60+ weather in 6+ months makes you do funny things.

So I left work a little early - went and had a beer with a coworker, took the bus home and then curled up in the sun and took a long cat nap... kind of like Fezzy.

A looooong weekend...

I took Friday off because I was doing a small presentation and tabling at an HIV AIDS and Black Women Conference. I talked about the CAB a little and microbisides which, hopefully, one day will allow women to take control of their health and be able to do something to prevent AIDS (instead of having to trust men to do). I also went to a workshop about the web of violence and trauma (rape, slavery, police brutality, medical experimentation), and black Americans and how it makes them more susceptible to HIV infection. I had learned this at various points in my life - mostly thru literature and film but was reminded of it. I left at noon to grab lunch with a friend and go home and clean! I threw open the windows (it was starting to warm up) and shoo out the dust.

Early Saturday morning a carfull of us headed north to Marysville to volunteer for the MS Walk. About 11 Carnies showed up to volunteer at the first station. Half of us handed out water, jerky and oranges while another group of us went around the corner and flagged walkers the right direction. It was was super fun - partly because we spent most of the time entertaining each other and the othe part because it was nice to be doing something for the community that didn't involve raising money for our team... that would come later that night. We packed it up around 11 a.m. and headed back to our homes.

There was a merby (men's derby) bout later on Saturday coupled with a Tootsie Rollers (little derby girls) and a Brats (bigger derby girls) bout.  It was awesome to see three (ok, 2.5) generations of derby action.  Merby is exciting for about 20 minutes then you're like, Ok, they don't play by the rules, they're all about showing off, etc.  We left the bout early and headed to a bar night in Lynnwood - it started off shaky but ended up being a night of pure laughter.  There was a teammate who was a one woman show (but not that she's-so-drunk-I'm-embarrassed-for-her type of thing.)  We raised some money and had a great time.

Sunday-super-sunshiny-ball-in-the-sky, I outdoor skated with some teammates having a heavenly time.  It was beautiful!  I took a cat nap, watch bout footage, went to practice and came home - having had an incredibly long, but rather satisfying weekend - which admittedly made Monday rather disappointing (except practice ROCKED)... there's always Tuesday.  And if that doesn't make the week better, then there is a chance to play hooky some time... and enjoy the sun.

*Carnies at the MS Walk

No foolin!

I missed the Express bus today when I had to turn back and get my very fun winter hat - which I bought at the Ballard Farmer's Market a week or two after my surgery. It's a great hat! Very Doctor Seuss type of hat that gets many laughs and conversations. It's also felted wool and very, very worm. I got it on sale because winter was over. Well, I've worn it for two weeks straight as Winter is still hanging - not even by it's fingernails. Winter is hanging out at the bar down the street with no intention of moving until well after the customers have been kicked out, the doors are locked, the bar is closed. Damn, it's only Happy Hour. It's April 1st. There was freezing cold rain in the morning, snowing by noon, and freezing cold again in the evening. Nope, it's just happy hour. I don't care if Spring wants to come on in...

*Carnies dancing this weekend with parasols.

Terrible at being Evil...

is the caption of this photo taken by EdgarDiazRocks from my last bout... in which I didn't get to bout in because I was (obviously) recovering from surgery. But it's true - I'm no good at being evil. Hardly any of my team is... we're too nice, happy and enjoy each other's company... which is great unless you're the evil team...

Today I received a bill from Regence, my health insurance provider. I've received a couple of them but they were fo $400 for the CT scan or $213 for something in the emergency room. I got one today that said "surgery" and was only $1,250. I was kind of baffled. My coworker who had her appendix out told me her bill was $26,000. I couldn't understand. Was it like, refer a friend (we had the same surgeon), and you get it your surgery 900% off? Buy one get one for 1/18 the price? I called my coworker to make absolutely sure that her bill was that expensive. Maybe she was wrong. I really only have $2,000 worth of bills (shoot my dental work was more expensive). She was swearing up and down the price. I made some jokes and decided I should login to my insurance online and see what was pending in my claims area.

I finally go in and sure enough there was a $33,700 bill pending. I have a million opinions about the evils of the insurance industry in general but I'm sure glad I have it -since I don't even have all the bills yet.

Back to normal...??

March came in like a lion and is going out like a lamb - ok - actually it's going out like a lion too. I have the fewest blog postings that I've had in over a year this March. I was often too tired to write in the evening or I was too busy or there wasn't anything great to report besides discomfort, lack of appetite or just ennui. So in anticipation of April, I'll do a recap of the March:

Highlights of March:

Tonight - I went back to the pool! Shawndel - the instructor of hydrofit who cracks me up - welcomed me back. It was super crowded and eventually I moved from the slow lane to the medium lane. Not wanting to overdo it, I only swam for 20 minutes. So glad to back in the pool blowing bubbles.

Last Thursday we launched our new name! Our new logo! Our new website at a work event. It went extremely well. Working on this project for most of my time at work, I spent all day on Friday saying, "I'm so happy! I'm so happy!" And I am. There is so much more work to do but a great chunk of it is done.

My team lost their bout this month. Of course, I didn't get to play and called line-ups instead. I'm not even sure what the heck happened. It definitely didn't feel like we were the same team that played the Pistols in January. However, I have a feeling great things will come from it.

That being said, CarnEvil put together a great performance this weekend. We performed for our masquerade event - a little dance piece to the Bjork song "It's Oh So Quiet" with parasols. I love my team - and their willingness to do these fun and creative things together. They're the best. It's a great team.

Tomorrow I get my bee tattoos and that will end March. My stab wounds are healing and I go back on skates on April 1st. I was able to suffer though a cold this weekend without excruciating pain that was common to coughs and sneezes earlier this month... And as I head out of March, I have to remember to keep it all in perspective. Tonight at my HIV/AIDS Trail Unit Community Advisory Board meeting, a clinician was near tears as budgets dry up and programs that have been monitoring HIV positive men and women in the community disappear. She and her colleague have been calling all of the participants in this observatory program to let them know that after 17 years the program is going away.

I'm glad April is around the corner.

Many interesting things...

My work is getting ready for a new image, a new look, new website and what feels like a million other new things.  This has been years in the planning and I joined the Law Center knowing this.   It's been a ton of work and I've learned a gazillion things - like about Facebook, social networking, marketing, marketing a new brand, creating talking points and a communications plans on top of your job as a fundraiser in general.  It's been interesting, fun, very exciting to be learning and completely stressful.

You know you're stressed out when you would rather be the checkout clerk at your favorite grocery store or at the Kohl's you were just as getting a new outfit for the big event on Thursday.  Not because those jobs aren't less stressful (retail can suck I know from experience!) but because it somehow seems less stressful.  It seems easier.  They seem happy.  Their job seems easy.  And you know you're stressed out because you're acting delusional - I mean dealing with the public is crazy.  I have an office.  I can decide not to answer my phone or ask someone else to deal with people.  Really - that's a good job.

Happy Spring, Happy Words!





It's been rainy and gray these last few weeks, pushing me to that point where I'm about to lose my mind when a little hint of spring shows up and reminds me to hang in there. It will be sunny. I will be able to go camping. All will be good again. Phew.





I was walking by Nordstorms downtown yesterday over lunch when I saw a gorgeous dress in the window that was perfect for my work event next week - the right color - strapless. I had this crazy idea that maybe perhaps it was a $100 dress and not a $500 dress. So I decided to go look at it. A saleswoman saw me looking around and jumped on board to help me find it. We did. It was $500. I just smiled at her and said, Oh you don't have my size (which they didn't) but she insisted that I try on the size one too large. I went into the dressing and did try it on. And it was one size too large. And though it was a beautiful dress it wasn't $500 beautiful. I handed it off to her, told her it was too large and that I would come back when I had more time...like to eat lunch. (They have a great little restaurant. Weedy and I call it "Nordy's" and we love to go - tasty!)

Last night glancing over my hospital delivered, yet to read, Vanity Fair (with our new president on the cover!) when I stumbled across a paragraph of great writing that made me smile - and reread it. The article was about all of the books coming out for Baby Boomers - giving them yet something else to do in life - as James Wolcott was analysing, it was like all of the sudden they all needed to go to the grocery store and grab more experiences in life and try to collect them all. There are the books "a hundred places to visit before you die" or the film "The Bucket List"... I don't have a bucket list. Even with borderline-superhuman effort, I can barely get on major thing done a week, without adding bungee-jumping and whitewater rafting to the activity board. If anything, I take comfort in scratching off lofty to-do items that were basically daydreams that stuck around too long.

I like that, day dreams that stuck around too long. That's a great way to look at the "to-do" list in life.

* photo of the first sign of spring

Oatmeal, Papers, and Membership

Thick fat oats with strawberries and local honey has been my dinner twice this week. My appetite has sadly taken a leave-of-absence and I can't find anything to interest me - not my favorite Thai, Vietnamese, or Mexican peeks my curiosity. I just don't want to eat and find myself eating because I'm so hungry but no because I have a hankering for anything. And I'm baffled because I LOVE to eat. I love food. However, it could because I'm not exercising at all these last few days - which isn't relieving my stress -both of which could be the reason I'm no interested in food. Bew. At least it's tasty. Even if I'm not terribly interested.

Kathy asked me if I went and bought the last edition of the the PI as it stopped printing this week and went exclusively online. I didn't. I get the Times delivered to my door and not because I don't like the PI - when I moved out here I asked around - which paper should I get. I started with the PI and then people said "the P-I has better sports and arts but the Times has better news" so I ended up subscribing to the Times. So Seattle went from a two newspaper town to a one newspaper town and people are angry about it. I remember when Cleveland lost it's other paper back in the 80's. I'm bummed about the PI leaving because of the friends and journalists who are losing their jobs. But I'm more worried about the newspaper/news business in general. The model they're using isn't sustainable but they're not sure how to solve the problem. But someone has to report the news and someone has to get paid to do it. I'm worried about journalists and the various questions on how we're going to get "accurate" news in general. Hmmmm.

The great news this week is that we found out that Jet City Rollergirls became members of the Women's Flat Track Derby Association (http://www.wftda.com/) which is the regulating body of roller derby! Of course we found out thru other people first and don't have an official letter yet but we're on their website (not quite correct) but it's pretty damn exciting! We're going to start working on our ranking and eventually we might find ourselves at Regionals! Yeah! It's very exciting. It's very big for our league and was one of our goals of this year! I'm very proud of it. Yipeee!

*photo from the marquee at the Paramount saying goodbye to the P-I.