Painting Empty Bowls...

Today, Derika, Dani, Lara and I went to the Ballard Community Center (which I've often walked by but never entered) to paint "Empty Bowls" for the Seattle Food Bank. A group makes the bowls. The community (us) are invited to paint the bowls (and we did) and then they're sold at a fundraiser (which I will be out of town). We arrived, after having lunch together, to paint some bowls. It was a wonderful time together. We all had different ideas for our bowls. We were in a community center. We were painting bowls for an event that none of us could attend. It was nice to give to the Ballard Food Bank (which was the organization my Christmas gift went to this year.) It was nice to be slightly creative. It was nice to spend the afternoon with friends.

I like empty bowls.

Overwhelmed...

Some days are just overwhelming. They may start out that way or become that as the day wears on. I caught my bus in plenty of time. Didn't get soaking wet. I had a very productive morning with a little bit of nervousness and thrill as I had to turn people away from an already packed house party we're having after work tomorrow about a woman whose story of being taken away from her lesbian parents (which was common in the 70's) was turned into a film and she's presenting from her new book.

But as the day wore on and the bills we're proposing in the state legislature (including an anti-shackling bill and an anti crisis pregnancy center bill) gained footing and endorsements even from those we least expected it; the overwhelming emotional roller coaster of anxiety and joy became dread as I watched the pictures of Haiti pour in.

I had missed the tsunami in 2004. I had spent the entire weekend reading "We Wish to Inform You That Tomorrow We Will Be Killed With Our Families" which was about Rwanda. I curled up on the sofa, with a blanket and two kittie friends and read about a tragedy that the world ignored for the entire weekend. When I arrived at work on Monday I was stunned and shocked. (Because of that, I check CNN habitually, daily. Often 3-5 times a day.) Haiti is another tragic story. But this one hits a little bit closer to me - probably because I've been in very poor countries and I know what "standard" construction means. Probably because I know there is not a heck of a lot of general sympathy for a country that hasn't had a day of peace in 200 years and fights daily against poverty, corruptions, AIDS, poverty and corruption. Probably because they're black/Africa and the world often basis it's sympathy on the color of your skin. And it breaks my heart.

So I left work slightly panicked and anxious. I was drenched as the wind pushed rain down my shoes, soaking my pants and socks, bent back my umbrella (why do I even try?) and I hopped on the next bus just wishing it could take me somewhere kind of bright and sunny and happy but it took me home instead - which was fine too. I sat on the sofa and ate a piece of chocolate. I watched the news, looked a photos online, read some of the stupid things that people were saying. Lara suggested we get sushi (there went my plan to swim) and I took a cat nap after dinner. I didn't wake up feeling any better. And I don't know why I just didn't throw in the towel and call it a day... probably because I have the luxury of doing so...

*cartoon from NatalieDee.com

Gearing up for 2010...

Today I spent the day somewhat panicked. Tomorrow is the official start of 2010 - officially. I feel the loom of impossible goals at work, inspiring goals in derby and personal goals that are both a mix of those two and some of my own. I dreaded today - I dreaded the Sunday before the Monday of the official 2010. But it turned out to be a great day - much to my surprise. I met with Bess at Nervous Nellie's to drink Americanos, eat toast (their "thing" - delicious), and play with budget numbers, figure out how we're going to "get it done". We went back to the apartment, changed into our swim suits, grabbed Lara and headed to hydrofit at the Ballard Pool. Our instructor was Bill - who's awesome! He works out on the side of the pool as he describes the next set and has us sweating up a storm in the pool. He's a far different instructor than Crystal (at Greenlake Pool) - but they're both incredible in their own ways. I love to sweat in the pool. He kicked out butts.

Then errands. Lunch. Pick up my skates (thank goodness - my toe stops won't be falling out anymore!) Grocery shopping at the Fred. Finish up our shopping at Ballard Market (trying to save more money by shopping at the Fred first, Market second). Clean the kitchen. (Washington grows many things very well - apple, grapes, hops, cherry and mold! I am always fighting mold.) Took the bedding, all of it, to the laundry mat which is "now under new management". I don't know what it takes to manage a laundry mat - I don't imagine that it is much but they're never nice and clean. I played solitaire. I stared down a woman who was taking up ALL of the dryers (is there a social etiquette for how many dryers you can monopolize?) Vacuumed. Ate dinner. Sent emails. Prepared. Prepared for 2010.

It's going to be a kick ass year!

Right?

* zoo in the bathroom - all the little friends that are given to me or I acquire... the octopus is the newest addition. She trusts no one. He he he.

We all have to have goals...

Most people, according to their Facebook posts or conversations I had with them (even the retailers at the mall) were ready to kick 2009 to the curb. Fair enough. It was a craptastic year for many people for a variety of reasons. I saw it as one of the most stressful in my fundraising career though one of the most fun in my 4 year old derby career (however the omentum surgery sure threw a wrench into things.) For as many reasons as there was to pull out your hair, gnash your teeth, to resign to tears, there were just as many reasons to laugh, smile with pure joy or have the words "I love you!" or "thank you" burst from your lips. Some of my favorite things about 2009:

1. Being award 2008 MVP for Jet City Rollergirls

2. Discovering Bend, Oregon (love, love, love this town)

3. Becoming the favorite aunt at McKenna's birthday party (OMG - what great times with the girls, they're the best!)

4. Rediscovering swimming and other swim classes (low impact, so good for the heart, and just fun)

5. Surprises! (And there were many of them, flowers from Rebecca, a dress from my mother, a card from the league)

6. Philanthropy - though it was a hard year for most people (including myself) I donated more money than ever to a variety of causes.

7. My East Coast trip (was a wonderful way to reconnect with my friends in Boston, DC, and see Nationals)

8. My friends' successes: Weedy getting into Harvard, Sara going to Texas, Kathy's sold out "Western Field Experience", Ally and Bess reaching their goals, amazing year end at work, etc.

9. Discovering Cama Beach on Camano Island (Lara and I spent Thanksgiving in awesome, cheap cabins, played cards, ate Turkey dinner and chased crabs late at night in low tide)

10. New Friends

I can't wait for 2010! Especially if everyone else can't either...

New Year's Resolutions...

I'm sure I'm going to make a ton of them... but the biggest one for now is to write more in my blog. And if I succeed at then, then you'll know how the rest of my year goes.

Everyone loves the pink Snuggie...

Monkey is happily sleeping on the pink Snuggie that Heidi and Jon got me for Christmas (Fezzy is sitting on the newspaper next to her waiting his turn) - there are chocolates and wines, fluffy gloves and hand puppets that are all a part of my Christmas loot (from a variety of people). I had lovely Christmas holiday where I ate too much. and drank just enough. Christmas Eve was watching movies, eating vegetarian chili and having a bottle of wine (to myself - the entire bottle. Ooops.) Christmas day was bunch at Heidi's place - Lara, Heidi, Jon, Lucie, and her father in-law and partner and her bother-in-law's family. It was insanity with three kids under 4 and a questionable adult but the food was delicious and the company was fun... and when it cleared out and was just us 4 adults and Lucie - it was quite a lovely time.

Lara and I headed back and cooked up some garlic smashed potatoes, cranberry salad, green been casserole and cupcakes before heading out to Kelly Rae and Steph's place for dinner. Julie joined us and we stuffed ourselves - which didn't take long considering I was still very full from the noontime brunch. We all played Uno for a while and then settled in to watch A Christmas Carol... which was hilarious - as always.

Saturday I was at my wits-end - too much rich food and alcohol over the past few days (without any exercise) had me going a bit stir crazy. I needed a walk in the sun, a break from the food and wine. I took off for Discovery Park where clearly a ton of other people had the same idea. The park was crowded with families (cheap way to get out and include the in-laws) who were soaking up the high 40 degree sunshine. It was glorious.

Lara and I headed up to Everett to hang out with Unshine. The cheap and tasty Mexican restaurant we were going to go to was closed for the holidays and we ended up to the Alligator Soul restaurant (which I always pass on my way to events in Everett and had been so curious about). There was delicious Cajun food and great conversation with very old men jamming out on the front stage. What a lovely surprise of an evening!

Happy Holidays!

Tee hee.

Yesterday, on the shortest day of the year...

I (with help) wrestled kitty friends into cages, loaded them up in the car, bombed the apartment, dropped Lara off at work, stopped by my own office to drop off donation of winter clothes (and derby stuff), went to the Fred to rent a carpet cleaner, auto parts store for new wipers and air filter, pet store for kitty friend treats (I mean they were being so good!), Goodwill, gas station (checked the tires), Safeway for lunch with old people, aired out the apartment, picked this past summer's dry cleaning, vacuumed, brought kitties in, cleaned counters, cleaned the carpet, did laundry, sent a few emails, took a nap, went grocery shopping and made dinner.

Phew. I'm it wasn't any longer.

A week of disappointments...

This last week was one of those weeks - where you had to teach your coworkers how to talk about budget cuts, when your birthday got passed over (as usual) and you try not to seem upset about it but you can't help yourself, when you keep writing out holiday greetings knowing you're not going to get any in return (but that's not why you write them - you write them because you care damnit)- it was one of those weeks - that ended most wonderfully.

I ended the week on Friday, (see above) exhausted and just hung out at the apartment, prepared the place a little for the flea bombing (today). I ended up drinking a little too much (not intentionally) and going to bed whooped. Saturday was another story. As someone who never falls in practice, I bit it twice hard at practice and had the shakes (coming down off the hangover) but I had a couple of oranges and made it through the rest of the morning. The evening was fantastic as I went, with 10 of my dearest friends, to "The Land of Sweets" Nutcracker Burlesque - my 3rd year in a row - a new "tradition". We had a wonderful time. I cheered for all the main players (and that made my friends laugh but don't they understand performers feed off of that.) And we all totally feel in love with one of the snow princesses... of course the next day I decided that I had a general lapse in judgement (that comes about twice a year and usually both times in December) and suffered a bit of a hangover on Sunday.

But the birthday wishes - coming on my facebook and by phone - made me so happy. I often think people have the wrong assumptions of me. Truthfully, I am not one to take center stage as the leading actress but would much prefer to be a stage manager behind the scenes getting shit done. But every-once-in-a-while, it's very nice to be acknowledged. And it was. I went to breakfast with Heidi, Jon, Lucy and Lara, came home and took a nap and then went and scrimmaged with the Harem and had tasty beverages with both teams afterwards. It was a great way to end the 2009 derby season and a great way to celebrate my birthday...

Thank you. What a wonderful week.

I believe in the tooth faerie...

Trixxxie came up to me in practice the other day, "you know Torture, I believe in tooth fairies." I started laughing and knew there had to be a story. Trix had lost her tooth recently due to a crown that fell off. She couldn't afford to replace it when it fell out. She had a gap in her mouth and her dental insurance did nothing for missing teeth (don't they know that people with missing teeth have a harder time getting a job, etc?!). She couldn't afford a new tooth ($2,000+). But she could afford a flip - kind of - for $650 she could get a retainer with a tooth attach (like a single tooth denture). But she didn't have $650 and asked the dentist if she could pay a little bit at each pay day until she had deposited the $650 needed. They said sure - she put down a $100 deposit to start. The next day she goes into work and there is a envelope of cash on her desk with a note on it - get your tooth fixed. Inside the envelope was $420. Trix was baffled and overwhelmed - she works in a factory - people don't make a ton of money. She didn't know what to do. So she put a note at her desk that read "I believe in the tooth faerie. Thank you."

Two days ago, Angelica was at The Dollar Store buying a ton of candy canes. A couple in line ahead of her asked her why she was buying so many candy canes. She said she was getting them for Jet City Rollergirls' Santa Skate where we raise gift cards to give to the Battered Women's Center in Everett. We sell the candy canes with little notes to put in skaters' stockings to help raise additional money. They thought that was great and said they would be sure to check out the website. When Angelica got up to the register to pay for the candy canes, the couple hand already paid for her 300 mini candy canes.

Two months ago, Star TaRiot was scheduled to get her ACL replaced. She exasperated a derby injury. She didn't have great insurance and it wasn't until she figured out that she could afford the deductible for our secondary (and mandatory) insurance that she could get the surgery done. Then about a week before the scheduled surgery, her husband lost his job. Suddenly she couldn't take the two weeks off to recover when her husband didn't have a job. It looked like her frustrating knee would be plaguing her forever (she knew they couldn't afford the Cobra insurance) and she was completely discouraged. When a patron of her parent's store - Nature's Pantry in Bellevue - told her parents that they would cover her two week's wages and pay their Cobra insurance until she they were able to get better insurance. Star parent's were promised to secrecy. She had her surgery - is in physical therapy - and has returned back to work. And will eventually return back to skating...

Hmmmm.

I believe in tooth fairies too.

Wash your hands...

I visited my derby wife and good friend Louise in Boston two weeks ago. She was working, in one of her classes, with a world famous surgeon, not because he was so skilled but because he had a mandate of 8 operational procedures that you, as a hospital, could do to increase the success of every single surgery. Not based on skill. Can you guess the first thing? You can. Because you all have:

1. Wash your hands.

Who knows what the other 2-8 where because we get so obsessed with "wash you hands - WHAT - IS THAT TRUE? Is it true that surgeons forget to wash their hands? How is it that medical institutions ignore these rules!

Wash your hands. For 20 seconds.

That is the only aspect of the whole H1N1 thing that I'm thrilled about - all the public service announcements:

Wash your hands.

Cover your mouth.

Stay home if you are sick.

Domestic Goddess Diva - day two - I worked on an apron that I had started in March. I watched a "Haunting" episode (or 2) about Ballard (WHAT there are ghosts in Seattle - in Ballard - my neighborhood?!?!?). I went shopping for spices. I met some girlfriends out for a beverage. We laughed, we chatted about derby, we chatted about the Mutter Museum, our Thanksgivings... I started the evening with "My friend Louise, works with a professor - a surgeon..."

I washed my hands.

For 20 seconds.

When Do Herbs & Spices Give Up the Ghost?

I felt like such a domestic goddess today as I thumbed through the spice box to see just how old they were and why they were all dated 2008... Didn't I cook a turkey last year? (Turns out that I didn't.) What happened to 2009 spices? How old was this chili? And this oregano?

The whole day I was a domestic goddess as I stayed home for yet another day of furlough. We are taking two weeks this year and I am taking them both in November (which means I'll be broke in December.) Today I got up, dropped Lara off at the bus stop and went to the store to get some breakfast treats for a friend who was coming over at 9:30. Indy and I worked on derby stuff (while eating coffee cake and drinking coffee) before she headed out to pick up her daughter at noon. I had a peanut butter sandwich (with honey) for lunch. I always forget to each lunch on my days off and end up starving which means I can't eat my tasty salad. Made some calls about an HIV presentation I'm going to give on Monday.

I changed in to sweats and dropped off some stuff at the dry cleaners, walked around Greenlake (3 miles) and came home to answer more emails and start dinner. Whole foods. Slow foods. Homemade food. Beans and rice. Plain and simple and delicious.

After dinner, I decided that I needed a nap. Even as I rocked as the "domestic goddess" DIVA, I was still tired. I did a lot of derby work and some things for the CAB. I worry though, that if I was honestly a domestic goddess diva - for real and not just for a few days a year - that I could end up an alcoholic. I mean because I was thinking, around 3 p.m., that it would be great to have a glass of wine while I started dinner... and one would have been fine. But once you open the bottle... and it's only 3 p.m.... that can be a slippery slope.

Luckily I'm only pretending.

A real thunderstorm...

I was driving home from practice tonight in my least favorite Seattle weather - sheets of rain blowing sideways. I had the wipers on fast and was pulling off the freeway, heading home when I decided to call my office to remind me to do about a gazillion things before I left for vacation (with an ear bud - safety.) A huge blue light lit up the sky and I was at a loss of what to say. It's been so long since I've seen a thunderstorm - a "real" one that stops my in my breath and humbles me. One giant blue flash that lit up the entire sky.

There is usually a flash - one - with a one rumble that ends up on the news the next day. The giant blue flash. The rumble. This time it was followed by more flashes and zigzags of lighting shooting across the sky. The sheets of rain came down harder and more rumbles. I was secretly thrilled. I loved it. It was a great - the intensely brief thunderstorm that caused me to slow down driving home - shoot the apartment - scared the kitty friends.

Inspired...

Tonight I went and saw Regina Spektor (an anti-folk singer song writer, born in Russian, emigrated to the US at 9 years old) with Lara at the Paramount tonight. We had combined funds to purchase the VIP tickets from the Legal Voice Auction. I hadn't been to a concert in ages. I was excited - exhausted and couldn't way to just go out and hear a great show.

I stayed late at work and headed down to the show. The "Paramount Club" which is what the VIP ticket bought you wasn't much more than a private bar with cheese, salami and crackers (I kid you not.) But the bar line wasn't crowded, the drinks were resonably priced (I haven't had a White Russian - which I chose in honor of Regina Spektor - in years.) It was kind of funny because some of the patrons, you could tell, went there all of time time. Some patrons were new - and were asking things like "how do you do this? I mean how do you cut these cheeses with there little knives." Hmmm. It was fun to be "exclusive" but not really - that exclusive.

The show itself was FANTASTIC! I was introduced to Regina Spektor by my friend Brandi who had bought her CD from CD Baby (which essentially gave you two for the price of one. One you kept - one you shared.) I had become a huge fan. But then MyPod (my Ipod) played her constantly (as it does with the Gorillas) and I had to take her off for a while. What a great show! Her vocal range is amazing. She's a super talented pianist and her lyrics, much like Andrew Bird's, make you listen, laugh and feel totally engrossed in the story she's telling you. It was such a great show and honestly, the whole time I was inspired and kept thinking... why aren't I the filmmaker I thought I would be?

Hmmm.

Inspired.



My two favorite songs from tonight: Machine and Folding Chair.

My favorite song - On the Radio - from her previous work.

Ending the season...

This weekend was the Bombers last bout of the 2010 season. The bout was a total nail biter as we anticipated it would be. We ended up winning and it was a great way to end the season. It was also a much better team than last year's team. We solved some big problems and built a lot of trust (which is key) throughout the season. I'm confident that we can get to Regionals next year! Stay tuned...

This time last year...


I go off the phone with my friend Arson and we were chatting about this and that and she said something about "this time last year." We both paused and thought about it. This time last year the economy was sinking. WaMu (a Washington favorite) was tanking. Expedia, Microsoft and others were laying people off. And consequently other businesses were closing. The news on Wall Street was horrible. Main Street was nervous. My work's auction wasn't going to succeed. And people started saying "this time was different. It's different the the Dot Bomb. It's different than 86." Our lame president decided to do something - too little too late. Looking back on my blog then, I was plenty stressed out but I was also working on the Obama campaign; running around like crazy, putting a ton of time and energy into just about everything.

However, October last year was just the beginning of dread - of budget cuts - of failed programs, of seriously tough times. (In the last year I've had 15 friends lose their jobs - and luckily find new ones.) This time, now, this year, feels a little different. Things are looking up. We haven't bottomed out just yet (unemployment hasn't hit it's all time low), but there is still this optimism. (Americans are optimistic in general.) It's an interesting time. Are we going to learn from this? Are we going to change? Are we going to continue to save money and get rid of debt? I went to an investors presentation today and they're talking about changing the face of philanthropy - do they mean it? Will this be long term change?

What is October 2010 going to look like?

And that's question for my 500th blog posting.

Yeah!

Derby, ducks, adventures in the sun...

Snap shots of the weekend.

And the debates wears on....

This was posted on my favorite - www.nataliedee.com - site the other day. The name of the image is "if you can't pay a million dollars for healthcare you deserve to die anway."

Autumn descended with a boisterous vengeance...

This weekend was absolutely beautiful! I started Saturday with the AIDS Walk with the Community Advisory Board for the HIV/AIDS Trail Unit. We had pulled together a great team and I managed to raise $210 in about three hours on Facebook on Friday when I finally had a chance to register and get my crap together. I had a gazillion great conversations. I met another Michelle from Cleveland who also went to the University of Iowa (which was super fun!) After a post-walk snack, I picked up Lara and her friend Andrew who had been at the Smithsonian "Free Museum Day" and we all headed to lunch (Cedar's Lebanese) and then to the Henry Art Museum. That was rather disappointing and I am glad that it was free....

I thought of heading to open scrimmage at Rat City's new practice space but it was such a beautiful, sparkly, cool Saturday. We all went for a beer instead (or two) and I had a nice nap before heading off to a fundraising event. Sunday was filled with meetings and a quick little trip through the Ballard Farmer's Market (peppers are in!), followed by a visit to Ballard Sustainable Market (beer takes less water resources than coffee), other errands and a BBQ with my team. It was a great Sunday.

Monday was a blur from work to meeting to practice. However, in the time between going to my CAB meeting and have a cookie with Heidi at the Subway after the meeting, the temperature dropped 20 degrees has not made an honest attempt to creep up any higher. The dark ominous rain this afternoon sealed the deal and it's officially autumn. Dark. Cold. Seattle. Brrr.