Unexpected Fun...

I wasn't sure I wanted to be back at RollerCon but I'm having a great time so far! My flight was just great. I picked up my brand-spanking new rental (baby blue Accent, with no power anything)l and then sat in traffic (you can't escape it!) - and then stood in line after dropping off my luggage - to register for my classes, insurance, etc. Bess and I headed off to the store to buy food snacks (we both love yogurt and granola for breakfast and IPAs - woot!) Then back to the hotel, over to a class and then to Fremont Street scrimmages - which are held in the older part of Las Vegas and are generally amusing. Back to the hotel, cleaned up for a banquet and then headed to Black & White scrimmaging - on polished cement. It was hilarious - and crazy. Polished cement is so slippery to skate on - it's the great equalizer. We were all bad at derby all of the sudden and it took many jams to get use to the floor (if you ever did.) The crazy fast, running everywhere in the first day - it's felt intimate and not so overwhelming. I'm glad to be here - at RollerCon - in this hot, crazy, totally unsustainable, fake city that everyone loves. It's fascinating.

Heading to Vegas...and now for something completely different.

I'm heading to Vegas for my 3rd RollerCon. I'm not quite sure what got into me or why I'm doing it but I'm sure I'll have a great time. (I decided to go on a complete impulse.) It's going to be HOT. And I hope in all this head, I clear my head, learn a thing or two more about derby and have a great time.

Tonight at a major donor event, I had "oysters in a half shell". Really. For the first time ever in my life - and they were delicious. It was honestly like eating the ocean (and not the gross part with syringes, plastic bags and beer cans.) What a fun experience.

The underlying tone....

This week has been a busy and rather overwhelming week at work. Part of it is because it's work and it's hard environment to be raising money but another part is that a co-worker's music partner (they are singer song writers together) was stabbed this weekend. Someone broke into her house over the weekend and stabbed her and her partner. The partner died. It tragic, horrible and random. The community is dumbfounded, outraged and scared. More than one person I've talked to thinks it's a hate crime (they were lesbians after all) and the murder did nothing - he didn't rob them, rape them - but stab and murder them. How random? Who knows. It's been tragic to see a coworker at such a loss. It's been a reminder about our work and just how much violence women experience.

Kill Your Mother!

Is what one of the blockers from the Seattle Derby Brats was shouting to the jammer on the line this past Saturday. Yes. Lily Lightening was up against her mother. And yes, a common saying in derby is "Kill the jammer." And when the jammer is someone's mother it made sense to shout, "kill your mother!" It was so funny and so wrong at the same time.

They have become quite a force to be reckoned with - the Seattle Derby Brats. Skaters between 12-17 (ish) who play, now, full contact derby. They're a wile group of gals with agility and the ability to jump a skater's leg in a single bound. They're totally serious and when you knock one down, your first instinct is to make sure she gets up and then you look at the row of parents staring at you and you're hoping none of them are shooting lazer beams at you from their eyes. And they aren't. They want their girls to be the best they can.

You just don't want to smoosh them.

* my friend Arson sent me this picture today (from our 7/11 bout) with the caption "I am reaching for a hug. Look how cold you are!" which cracked me up. (For those who don't know, what she is about to do is so illegal. He he he.)

A Win! (finally)

Carnies pulled off a win last night against the Hellbound Homewreckers of the Dockyard Derby Dames. Last year we lost by one point against the Marauding Mollys (of the DYDD) and I wasn't sure what the Homewreckers would bring to the table. It turns out that they brought a good bout but we weren't having any of it. We absolutely wanted to win this bout. The tension on the team the last two weeks had come to a head and we absolutely had to win. It was 30 minute mini bout - surely we could pull this off - surely the "fun team" could actually win a bout.

And we did! It was a great game and we worked hard with the 10 people we had on the floor. Everyone played hard and everyone put their hearts into it. It was great to win. And it didn't feel the same way it felt to win against one of our own league team but its a start and maybe we're turning a page and will go from the "fun loving team" to the "fun loving winning team."

The rest of the weekend was fun summer times. We went to Georgetown Brewery (turns out you can't eat there) to drop off banners as they're league sponsors next year - they're the makers of Manny's - the most delicious and ubiquitous microbrewery in the area - had happy hour snacks at Smarty Pants. The bout took up most of Saturday (as they usually do) and today was visits to the Ballard Farmer's Market, grocery shopping, cleaning up the apartment, late lunch and rolling off to practice.

I am so loving the summertime! I just wish Mondays didn't come...

*lovely 1951 Chevy in the Ballard Market parking lot...

One of those weeks...

I don't know how many times one can have "one of those weeks" in life - but I've had one too many. We did finally get the server up at work and the challenges of trying to get everything done that you had set out to do weeks before (had even been motivated to do) fell by the wayside as you tried to get caught up and remember why you needed those reports so badly - whose phone numbers you needed, what needed to happen. Eventually a week was cobbled together - intermixed with some derby and derby drama - it was a long long week. And a hot one!

This is probably the best summer I've had since I've been here (summer #4). The first summer I was here (having arrived on Thanksgiving in 2005) was absolutely gorgeous! It was sunny and warm - there were mountains to be hiked, there were films to be watched, there was derby to discovery, there was open windows and warm nights, there were tons of visitors from the mid-west and new friends to be made. It was absolutely wonderinful and I was sold on this place called "Seattle" and the "Pacific Northwest." The next two summers, along with the next three winters made me wonder if I had bought in too early as it was only sunny on Wednesday and sometimes it never broke 80. This summer is making up for lost timing! I could hardly believe when it was raining this week that I was actually grateful!

It's been a beatiful summer - and one of the busiest ones!

*super cute dress at a designer's shop just next door to Smarty Pants in Georgetown.

One of those weeks...

That you don't want to write about as you find yourself completely frustrated by the lack of a server at work (for the second week straight) yet still managed to find enough for you and a bunch of other people to do so that they could get paid (stressful.) You start each day working from home but then end up going in or going in thinking you're not going to do much (because it takes 3 x as long ) but end up staying a whole day anyway. You find yourself emailing board members at midnight and give a crappy presentation when you're cut short and have to run off to yet another meeting. You end up running into the office because you won a big case and it's means great things for people in Washington and the phones are dead that day - you manage to boss around a bunch of people and get the word out but you don't see any credit in the press - from anyone to anyone. Bew.

But at least I have a job to complain about.

*Fezzy ate my felted ladybug this week - one of the partial days I was working from home. Bad Fezzy.

My most relaxing weekend...

... with just a little bit of work and Fezzy tried to help.

9 to 5

The Brand Flakes have this great mash up song including Dolly Parton's "9 to 5". I also have the regular Parton song on my ipod. Stumbling across it a lot lately, I decided to rent the film to see what it was about - it came out when I was a kid (1980) and I really didn't remember it. Of course, Blockbuster didn't have it and I had to open an account at the local "Rain City" video - because they had it and many other great films (left with 3 of them).

It was pretty funny - the fashion - particularly. What was a little disturbing was that there are still some many of these things we're still working on - like equal pay (thanks Lilly Ledbetter). Don't get me wrong - a lot has changed. I wouldn't want to be a woman working at a different point in history - but some of the crap going on in the film still goes on. There's still a lot of work to do... in the workplace.

However, today is a day for fireworks, BBQs and other fun things. Social justice doesn't take a break on July 4th - it just gets moved to the back burner.

(Today - got a new HP laptop and now I have no excuse for not writing in my blog.)

blurry...

Heading into another short week - I went to work Monday exhausted from a long weekend that included a team garage sale, hosting a birthday BBQ for Louise at Golden Gardens, and the Pride Parade on Sunday.  It was a wonderful weekend that wore me down to the bone.  And then I went into work ready to pound out 4 days of serious work when the server went down.  I cleaned my desk, read a couple of articles and then we all went home while the consultant worked on it.  Turns out the server was DEAD - completely and utterly dead.  The "mother board" called it quits. There was nothing to be done but to order another server - of course the week of a national holiday.  (Once again, one of my lazy habits of saving files to the desktop, saved me some time as I could salvage some work as we were going to be down for more than a week.)

I saved these random files to my portable hard drive, made a plan with my coworker who said "I wonder what it looks like for you to walk into my office over IM?", made some plans with my boss to do as much as possible and headed home.  Of course, the Mac at home didn't talk to the portable hard drive - so I couldn't do anything from home.  Today, I headed back to work - with my Clearwire and printer in hand to create a pseudo office.  But I couldn't get the printer to work.  It was a long day - where everything took twice as long to do everything.  Janet swung by and we decided to go have lunch at McCormick & Schmidt's on South Lake Union.  The food was OK but the sunshine and company is what made my day.

It's blurry - trying to work from home - with limited technology.  I am going to take off in the morning to go on a hike with Weedy.  I'm going to sit and work on a mailing tonight.   And finish up some spreadsheets over the weekend.  Working from home.  It gets blurry.

Cherries, Bees and Hives...

I went down to Pikes Place Market today to grab some flowers for a teammate recovering from surgery and ran across some cherries.  Lots of cherries.  Washington is just as well known for cherries as it is for apples and serial killers.   I'm not terribly fond of cherries.  When I was a kid I would break out in hives whenever I ate anything cherry - or used cherry shampoo, etc.  I believe it honestly was the artificial red no. 5 or whatever the dye's number was that was banned in the 1980s.  But the damage was done and I stayed away from cherry - in general.  (I do have very few memories of my material grandmother - but one of them was her sitting at the table pitting cherries to make cherry pie.)  And at the Market today - there were tons of them.  I couldn't refuse and bought a small basket of them and a Monster cookie and headed back to work to eat my salad and tackle the rest of the day.  

My body, wanting to dump stress hormones in to my now-missing omentum, broke out into hives earlier this week - they  spread across my belly over where my omentum would be - which I thought it was funny, as I sat there eating my cherries.  (I like cherries alright.  I like blueberries, strawberries, raspberries, apricots, peaches, pineapple and mangoes better but they're not bad.)

Tonight, after gathering some more "stuff" from a co-worker to take to my team's garage sale this weekend, I zipped back to Ballard to join my friend Glitter (Danni) for a crafting class at Venue - a local store that has studios you can rent and sell all local artists' works.  We had signed up to learn how to "needle felt".  I had never heard of it but I loved the little felted animal and characters in the shop - and we couldn't pass up the opportunity to learn how to create these super cute creatures - like BEES!  The instructor was from across the Sound and explained our class very well.  She was really well known for these felt creatures and I LOVED IT.  It was fun and funny and very easy, in my opinion, to learn (though it will take a while to get good at.) I made a bee that looked like a little sushi roll and a ladybug that actually looked like it was suppose to.  I bought the artist's book and a kit to make bluebirds. at the end of the class.  Danni and I parted ways and I headed home -  completely relax, thrilled to have spent some fun times with Glitter and having learned a new craft that I think I'm going to really enjoy.  And I look forward to  a different application "hives" -  one for little felt-y bees.

How quickly it leaves us...

This past weekend I went camping at Kalalock with some friends.  It's one of my favorite camping spots - with tide pools filled with reluctant creatures, camps sites that have gnarled branches and trees resembling something from "middle earth" and like growth marks on a child's door jam, the sun sets on those trees.  It's laying on the glacier flattened stones that are heated from the sun but you still need a sweatshirt because of the constant winds pushing the waves on the sometimes sandy shore littered with bleached, smooth trees, who spent a long time the ocean.   

It's so incredibly relaxing.  And when I camp, I eat like a queen, cooking fish, corn-on-the-cob, squash, baby red potatoes and even shrimp.  My friend gave me an espresso maker for camping and Americanos are the rule in the morning along with Mexican breakfast burritos (both veggie and with sausage.) We manage to avoid talking about work or derby and instead share funny stories, talk about our past, share some hopes and dreams.  And by the time you've been there for one evening, everything is put into perspective.  You feel rather humbled (hanging out by the Pacific Ocean all day will do that to you.)  You're thrilled to have spent so much time in nature and to be cooking "slow food" with friends and drinking wine.  It's really rather perfect.

And then is starts to slip away.  Even if you ignore the cellphone (though you start to get a signal), the harried traffic (while you have to pee), makes you slightly crazy.  You get home finally - only to have to run another errand.  You're exhausted; you smell like campfire (which was fine when you were in the woods); you have to go to work.  And it's Monday.  And there's a budget committee meeting which sets you into a quiet panic.  You are going to have so much more work to do and you're going to take another pay cut and you don't know what else there is.  You have practice, which was great fun, but then there are decisions to be made and arguments to squelch.  

It starts to slip away.  That peace that you felt - like the high tide rolling out ... and it's only Monday.

*sigh*

Gone fishin...

... for reluctant creatures on the Washington coast.  I am so looking forward to getting "off the grid", putting things in to perspective and watching the oldest movie of all time - High Tide Coming in at Night, starring The Earth, The Moon and The Ocean.  Even if Scattered Showers decides to make a guest appearance in an otherwise perfect summer.

*sigh*

States of Confusion...

This past weekend I got the "snot beat out of me" in our bout against the Camaro Harem.  I enjoy playing that team generally as my "derby wife" - Weedy - is on it.  But this weekend there was a trifecta of blockers (Tixxie, Retro & Betty) who cleaned my clock after and thoroughly as I tried to work my way thru the pack to score some points.  My head go knocked around (not on the ground but knocked around just the same) which always scares me into wondering if this is my last game or my last season.   I was frustrated by the half time and happy to be done with it by the end.   My team has some really smart moments and I was particularly proud of us on many levels. I walked away learning a thing or two (like ask your teammates for help) and managed to spend very little time the penalty box.

Sunday there were rumors confirmed of stomach flu spreading like wildfire around the team. I escaped the wrath of it all day - going to a Pride Parade meeting for work, running some errands, getting a costume for our "Keep on Truckin'" themed skate-a-thon.  I threw up my late lunch as I headed to the event was convinced I had sustained a more serious head injury - as opposed to the rational thought that I might actually have the flu.  I stayed for an hour, left in tears (of course in the car) but had chills and fever by the time I got home.  I couldn't tell if I was feeling miserable because of the flu or because of the beating I took at the bout.  The misery stayed with me thru much of Monday though I had been able to keep down meals and most water. Tuesday was just a day of rest - trying to get back to 100% - and I started Wednesday at 92% but left the day at about 64%.  I came home, skipping practice, and tried to take a nap - but the kitties wanted attention too.  I managed somehow slip in an hour.

The last week had been a week of revelations for me.  I so often in life find myself crabby, "bored", feeling restless and I can't put my finger on it - then I do.  And it frustrates me to no end that it's always the same thing - I just need to be creative.  I've given up A LOT of my creative projects at work (so that other people can get the experience and I can manage it.)  This is great for my team but completely frustrating for me.  Because so much of my life is derby and work, I find myself spending so much time doing both and not enough time sewing, writing, reading, painting, crafting, whatever.  And it wears on me.  I become restless.  I get annoyed.  And I sit there and contemplate "what is it that I need to be happy?!" over and over until I realize it - again.  I just need to set up a timer on my Outlook Calendar at work to ask "When was the last time YOU CREATED something new Michelle?"  It really is such a huge part of me.  Why do I forget to feed it?

A part of my lack of creativity comes with the demise of my laptop.  It started crashing at the beginning of the year and went completely dead by March.  I've been using Lara's Mac - which is wonderful and I appreciate it - but it's not the same.  I'm use to a PC - a laptop - that I can put on my lap, on the futon, and write in my blog.  Do work. Do derby work.  The Mac is a different computer with different thingies that become roadblocks - or excuses.  The solution is to buy a new laptop... even if there is something else that needs your money - like your car, your trip home to see your nieces, your 401 K, new skates, etc.  I just need to do it.  Get a new one. And quit make excuses.  Stop the confusion.

*one of my favorite pictures from this past weekend - sneaking by Weedy and Trixxie.. and running like hell - with my tongue out.  he he he.

Summer time,...

The last few weeks have been  incredibly sunny and dry - I find myself taking cat naps after work - not because I'm exhausted and it's dark and miserable but because I want to lounge like Fezzi on the futon in the sunlight.  I try to catch a hike after work and don't mind taking the bus when the sun is out first thing in the morning.  Even Monkey is happy about the sunshine - waking me up at 5:30 a.m. with the Monkey Alarm "meow, meow, meow."  I've actually been able to wear my summer dresses.  All my favorite fruits are starting to show up at the grocery store.  You find yourself wanting to have a beer on a patio at sunset.

The interesting thing is that it's been cold and wet for so long that I almost don't trust it.  I'm trying to believe that summer is actually here.  And that it's planning on staying a while...

New shoes... new skates.

Good times all around.

Beside myself mourning for a courageous feminist...

My morning was ruined when Lara read on our way to work that Dr. George Tiller had been murdered while attending his church on Sunday morning.  The fatigue from the weekend compounded the incredible sense of loss.

 

He was an INCREDIBLY amazing, generous, courageous man.  He had been shot twice before.  His clinic had been bombed.  He is one of only three doctors in the nation willing to perform late term abortions.  Late term abortions.  (Something like 0.3% of all abortions of all late term abortions are late term.  Majority of the fetuses were not viable.)  Most of the women were in bad situations.

When I worked at Planned Parenthood of Greater Cleveland, we sent people to Kansas when they needed Dr. Tiller.  And "needed" was an understatement.

 

He knew what he had gotten himself into.  He knew what he was up again.  He knew his number would come due one day and he would most likely go out violently but he still did his work.  He still advocated on behalf of women and our rights.  He was a feminist in the middle of the stickiest battles.

 

His father performed abortions when it was illegal.

 

He was the end of the line for so many people. He was their last chance.  He was their only hope.  And now he's gone.

 

And I don't know who or how that giant, gaping hole is going to be filled.

The cutest nieces in the world....

I spend the last week in Cinci (mostly) and almost-not-quite two days in Cleveland. The objective was to hang out with the cutest nieces in the world. We drew an ocean on the driveway, putting everyone in their own boats, drawing fish, sharks, dolphins to protect us from the sharks, seaweed, suns, sand, our names. We played at the park. We played with the garden hose turning it into a sprinkler and getting Uncle Mike wet. At McKenna's party we played Duck, Duck, Goose with a 10 other friends in the front yard. We rubbed the chalk down into dust and smacked our hand in it and left hand prints all over the ground and got away with it because I was the aunt watching over them. We read short stories before naps and long stories before dinner. We asked a gazillion 4 year old questions and I came up with a gazillion answers to those questions. We shopped at Target and left with two grocery carts full of balls for the party that the employees talked about for days (I found out when I went back to get cold medicine.) We went to swim lessons. We went to a picnic with their school. We played hopscotch. Margie, Jon and I drank wine and played cards. I caught a cold. I read a book. I helped my bother with a mailing for work. I helped Margie get the food ready for the party. I hung out with my younger brother, his girlfriend and my parents and talked about my hilarious grandfather. I played rummi with the 'rents and drank the local microbrew. I got a sunburn. My tattoos did not. I hung out with Kathy and her kids for a bit. We went to Target too. I bought a few more books to read. I was inspired to write. My flight couldn't land in Chicago. We refueled in Grand Rapids and I missed my connecting flight. I got on the next plane out. I was happy to be back in Seattle.

Not taking my skates...

I am an uber efficient packer.  I will pull out all of the things I need the night before, cut them in half and then trim them again the next day.  Living aboard has taught me that you already know what you need when you travel.  You don't need that one sparkly fun shirt you got in Mexico because you still have only worn it once here.  You don't need that fun summer dress unless you are actually committed to going to a wedding or special event (really, they rarely "arise".)  You don't need to try that new toothpaste now and you don't an extra pair of fun shoes.  You don't need more than two books (one for the flight there and one for the flight back) and you don't need your skates - unless you are going specifically to skate.  And you have plans to skate.  With other roller girls.  On teams.

Like many roller girls I have schlepped my skates with me to countless places - mostly home.  Where my nieces like to try to put them on.  Or wear my helmet around the house.  I say "I will skate in the park by my brother's house" and the one time you do doesn't justify bringing out your skates.  And I have plans to take the girls skating.  I have plans to spend time on the trail by my brother's house.  But seriously.  I don't need my skates.  I don't need the extra conversations on the plane (they'll eventually find out you're a rollergirl); I don't need my helmet banging people in the head as I walk down the isle to my seat.  I don't need the shoulder ache.  I don't need to worry.  And I'm not going to RollerCon (conference just  about skating) or to another city to play.  Really.  I can get my exercise from walking on the trail by my brother's house or chasing my nieces around the yard.

I just don't need the skates.

Obsessive, Compulsive, Inspiration being held at bay...

I am obsessive/compulsive when it comes to cleaning-my-apartment-before-leaving-town.  I have always been this way - and I'm not sure why.  I use to start big projects like sorting thru all of my clothes, going thru the box of "needs to be filed before the next century", or detailed fridge cleaning before I left.  These projects would last well into the night and absolutely had to be done before I left.  But now, without the aid of medication or meditation,  I've got it down to vacuuming, doing laundry, changing bed sheets and putting things away.  

Even if someone else is living with me - I have to clean.  Even if I'm just going out of town for the weekend - I have to vacuum and get things put away.   And it's not because I'm afraid of what my apartment will look like for that person whose coming to check on my cats.  It's not because I'm a fatalist (which I'm not) and think this could be my last trip and someone might have to put my affairs in order.  I think it's because 9 out of 10 times I come back from my vacations or travels late at night, exhausted and the last thing I want to do is find something to wear to work, sort thru a pile of mail that's now two weeks old, clean the rotting food out of the fridge.  I'm truly obsessed.  It's a funny habit.  But at least I am aware... My name is Michelle.  I'm an obsessive compulsive pre-travel cleaner. Give me that sponge and get out of my way.

That being the case and tonight being my only free night before I travel (after a long derby weekend), I skipped out on the HIV Vaccine Awareness Day event at Chop Seuy.  No.  There is still no vaccine for HIV.  But we need to keep working on it.  We need to stay aware.  We need to celebrate where we've come and where we have yet to go.  And I was excited to go to a drag queen fashion show, had a t-shirt specific to the event to wear and hoped to dance the Monday night away.  But the need to clean, (I am aware of my problem) and the even stronger deterrent of freezing cold rain has kept my inspiration at bay.  I didn't even go swimming.  Damn it - the rain - after such a glorious weekend.  It will totally kill your motivation to do just about anything - except clean.