Learning lessons

All I could think was, one more person, I just have to pass one more person and then I'll have lead jammer. (We weren't winning - not by a long shot. But it was the last 3 minutes - I had actually managed to score a bunch of points in this bout. I was an obvious target.) I passed the pack on the outside with a safe wall of Bombers on my left side. I cleared the pack and was heading to the inside line (ultimate safety) but there was one more out there. I could see her in my periphery and she landed a solid hip hit square on my thigh. My upper body flew nut my lower body did not follow, and I felt something completely unnatural happen in my knee. I knew I was hurt - really hurt. I didn't even try to stop my slide into the wall. I looked up at the outside pack ref heading my way - it was Hangin' Chad. And I said, rather loudly, "I'm NOT OK." Then I looked down at my knee and started saying "Oh My God, Oh My God" over and over. I was devastated. I am so hurt. I was thinking of the rest of the tournament; I was thinking of next season; I was thinking of all my goals for next year; I was thinking of the Bombers and how hard we worked and the great stuff we had planned for 2011. And it felt like it was all slipping away. Someone turned off the music and I could hear someone crying. I was wondering whose crying? I'm the one that is hurt. Oh, that would be me.

The rest of the tournament was a blur. I got crutches, I had two beers. I managed to fly back to Seattle for my work auction on Saturday morning and fly back for the rest of the tournament Sunday morning (yes, nuts, I know.) I finally had an appointment with a specialist and got an MRI within the first week back. My knee was tight - the orthopaedic physician didn't think it was my ACL was torn. And I celebrated for a day. But it was torn - snapped in half. Physical therapy was scheduled and my new life between crutches, work, surgery and pain meds was underway.

The moment I was wheeled off the skate floor, my Bomber dilemma started. What would be my role? I kept asking. I didn't want to be a broken skater on a team with Regional and Championship aspirations. That wasn't what we needed. We needed 20 strong skaters to take our team to the next level. But would the team vote in a non-rostered captain? Would they even want me as a captain at all? Or would I bench coach? Could I bench coach? I didn't know what to do. Nikki and I were very good captains - a good balance. We did a lot of things really well and learned from our mistakes and I thought we could carry these lessons and positive energy forward into the next year.

I started talking to my teammates about my dilemma. A few totally agreed. "We need a strong team. You're right. You should let someone else take your spot." Others said, "We need you on the team. When other skaters got hurt, you didn't kick them off. Torture, you're not being fair to Torture." The answer wasn't clear cut. It wasn't easy.

When I filled out the questionnaire for the coaches - that is when I figured it out. "What would you bring to this team?" It took me only a second to think about; I would bring leadership, feedback, positive attitude and energy. I would be give 100% and more - even not on skates. And then the league gave me a vote of confidence - even injured. The coaches told me it was my decision - they wanted me on the team and the league did. But it was my decision - I was the one who didn't know what I should do.

I said I DID want to stay on the team. I learned. It takes all kinds of athletes to make up this team - serious ones, total goofballs, enthusiastic one, leaders, trouble makers, all kinds. And I know this. I say this to other skaters all of the time - that they have a role on this team. But I finally feel like I've learned it.