I don't want to be a member.

During my healing at home, I watched the Harry Potter films. I hadn't been a fan of the films but if you saw them in order, all together, they held up on their own. There was one point where Harry and Luna can see these characters/monsters pull the carriages. Only those two can see them because, as we later find out, it's because they've witnessed a death. I have a coworker who was also knew someone that was murdered. And I just wonder are we now part of some club ? - because it's a pretty horrible thing to experience. It is really like nothing else. And I don't want to be a member.

Tonight I went to The Angel Band's CD release party. The Angel Band was formed out of an outpouring of love and hope over the death of a women who, along with her partner, was sexually assaulted and then murdered. My coworker was musical partners with the survivor. It was a completely emotional evening for everyone involved. There was a moment however, when women who died, when her brother's video came up and he performed his song. It was heart breaking... And I all I could think of was Dave.

A few days after my surgery I got a call from both my mother and older brother within a few minutes of each other. That was odd, so I hung up with whom I was talking to and called them back. I called my mom first and she told me that Dave, Mark's best friend for 22 years, had been found dead. They thought it was a suicide. I called Mark and he repeated the same thing though he seemed skeptical of it. I called my younger brother Mike to see if he was going down to help Mark out (he was really good friends with Dave too - as brothers often are) and if there was any thing I could do to help out. By the end of the day, Dave's suicide had turned into a murder investigation.

The CSI nature of Dave's death makes it almost unbelievable - death threats, police involvement, wire tapped phones. No one arrested but plenty of suspects. Ridiculous. And ridiculous to believe that he was gone. Just like that. Snuffed out.

Losing Dave has a profound effect on me - more than I ever imagined. A part of the pain was just imagining what my older brother was going through losing his best friend - his foil - his compliment - the guy who had known him through thick and thin and still loved him.

Some of the pain was the hole that he left in the world. Dave got to know everyone - everyone. He took time to get to know some of Margie's more interesting family members. He would get to know them of course to tease them. But never out of malice - only out of fun. He didn't drink and was was always a good sport at any game, any conversation, and Johnson argument. We He loved the Johnson girls and had just taken them trick-or-treating. He was part of the family. He was always at Mark's house. He was like a third brother - who didn't have the same childhood experiences or baggage - but totally understood. And now he was gone. Absolutely gone. And I couldn't imagine it. I couldn't imagine being Mark. I couldn't imagine he was gone. And it was ridiculous.

Mike summed it up best in a posting on Dave's Facebook page: The world will not be the same without you dude. I remember first meeting you visiting Mark @ Miami. It has been a pleasure ever since. I wish I had the friend/wingman/DD/take one for the team/re-tell all my embarrassing stories in great detail friend that you were to my brother. You touched so many lives and you will live on thru us, our stories and the smiles you put on our hearts. Rest in Peace my friend.